I care but I don't love him anymore.
Status: married 16 years, 2 sons, 15 and 11. He's very busy with a successful career, I am still searching for employment after going back to school to get my BA. For many years I was a full-time mom, and while it was hard and often lonely, I was glad to be home with my sons while they were young.
Problem: For several years now, I haven't felt love for my husband, or any sexual attraction. He has issues with stress eating, and while he was never thin, is extremely overweight now. He is a good person in many ways, caring and strong in his faith. Unfortunately, he is a slob. Often has ragged fingernails, food on his face, clothes are sloppy, leaves stuff lying all over the house. Don't get me wrong, I know I have many faults. I'm very quick-tempered and moody, and that can't be much fun to live with either. For many of the past several years, he's worked long hours, often not coming home until the boys were in bed, so that he wouldn't see them at all for 2-3 days at a time. At first I was pretty lonely; now I actually prefer for him to be gone, I've gotten used to it. He takes care of nothing around the house as far as maintenance goes, and is very careless about leaving things lying around, which frustrates me to no end.
I've thought many times of separating, but can never seem to see any option that works. I can't stand the thought of hurting the kids, especially at this dangerous age of adolescence. I want them to have a stable home environment, and feel it isn't fair to disrupt their lives just b/c I'm not happy. I also want to avoid divorce because of my Christian beliefs, because I want to be obedient to God. But in the end I am miserable.
It's so sad. I wish I could just feel love and attraction for him again. He is not a bad person, he deserves to be loved. I just can't seem to get it back. I talked some with a counselor, a few years ago, and I've prayed about it. He and I have discussed the things that bother us about each other, but nothing seems to get resolved. I've suggested marriage counseling, and he always tells me to 'set it up' and he'll go. So I am in the process of doing that.
I've even thought that maybe I could just learn to be content in what is basically a sexless marriage, and just be companions to each other, at least until the boys grow up. He still wants sex, though, and is hurt by the fact that I'm not interested. The bad thing is that I do think about other men, it isn't as if I'm completely not interested in sex at all. I just am not at all attracted to my husband anymore.
Speaking just of financial issues, if I did decide I wanted us to separate, I have no job and no means of supporting myself at this point, not a good situation. So that keeps me here as well.
Does anyone have any suggestions?