Help! I am completely confused. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-13-2010, 07:59 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 32
Unhappy Help! I am completely confused.

this is my first time doing this but i am really confused right now and i need whatever help i can get.

this past weekend my wife said to me she was feeling lost and things were going on with her and she was confused. we talked and argued and talked some more and basically all it came down to was she feels she's missing passion and excitement and romance. she said she doesnt know who she is and she needs to find herself. what is that supposed to mean? she said she still loves me but wishes it was like it used to be. we have been together 10 years and with the way that our work schedules are, its only natural that some of that daily passion faded away. i personally love her more than ever but now after she said all that, i cant help but be confused on what i should do. she said she will see a counselor but even so i dont know. i love her and cant picture life with out her but i also dont know if i cant live liek this also.

we havent had sex in 3 weeks and when we did have sex, it was the first time in 3 weeks than also. ive never been an overlly passionate guy and she knows that. i'm just like any normal man, i'm happy with sex at least twice a week. i asked her yesterday about sex (i know i probably shouldnt have but i was feeling things were in the 'ok' now) and she smiled and looked at me and said "sorry i dont feel like it tonight." typical i guess.

the last few days since we last spoke of the conversation have been ok, she would come up to me on the couch for a little while and snuggle in with me. tonight she was watching tv in the bedroom and i rolled over to her and asked if she would get closer and she said "how can i get closer?" i am truly hurt with this.

i do romantic things for her just not too often because we are on a budget and we cant afford much. but when we can i do my best. last week i splurged and brought her shopping to a 200a store plaza an area she loved that she has never been before. in march for our 10 year anniversary i went and bought her 10 little gifts. things that i knew she likes over the 10 years we been together.

i do not know what to do. i contemplated seperation, but i do not know if i want that either. someone please help. thank you.

cookw06 is offline  
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-13-2010, 09:29 PM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 137
Re: Help! I am completely confused.

I think counseling is a good start for her and for you, and for the two of you together. I think a lot of couples who have been together for a long time go through a period of feeling little to no passion (can you tell I'm in the same spot)?? Can you afford to save some $$ and maybe just spend a night or a weekend away? Do you remember what you did to woo your wife? Maybe try some of those tactics or try something new. And it may all come down to something inside of her that has nothing to do with you, which is why counseling is a good idea for the both of you.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-14-2010, 06:46 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 32
Re: Help! I am completely confused.

thank you for the input lbell629. as you can see i'm just very confused. we're both still young. we fell in love in high school 10 years ago and have been married 3 1/2 years. i will try what you said. i guess it doesnt hurt. what does hurt me is the fact that i tried this week to do a few things and she just brushed me away. i tried to cuddle in bed last night and she said "your stopping me from sleeping." so i just got up.

we have a little bit of money saved to possibly do something. i could try that. part of me tells me that it isnt going to help. her birthday is coming up so maybe i can plan something for that weekend.

throughout this week i have been so bothered and hurt by everything i cant help myself but think about seperation. is that wrong of me? or am i thinking practical? i know by any means it is the last thing i want but part of me thinks its best. all i know is i love her more than anything. and i do not want to lose her but i feel i already have.
cookw06 is offline  
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-14-2010, 07:45 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 799
Re: Help! I am completely confused.

If I answer you, cookw06, will you answer me something? Tell me how you turned your wife's complaint into being all about you? Not enough sex for don't know if you can live like are considering separation.....and so on. I'm genuinely curious.

Anyway, she told you what she wants, but you say you don't know what to do, so here you go. Romance doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Run her a bubble bath with candles. Rub her feet. Wash the dishes. Clean the bathroom. Brush her hair. Message her back. Cook her dinner. Send her flowers. Put a hand-written love note in the refrigerator. Write a post it and stick in her checkbook or on her drivers license. Make the bed in the morning. Read a romance novel to her at night. There are hundreds of things you can do. Just get creative. And, this movie will help tremendously to rekindle the romance, put the spark back, and make her feel loved and appreciated. Rent it. Watch it. Follow the principles. She doesn't want the attention she receives from you to be about you trying to get sex. She's beginning to resent you for that. Resentment kills a woman's libido. What she needs is for you to make love to her before you make love to her. You might even start dating her. Remember the things you did when you were wooing her?

"its only natural that some of that daily passion faded away."

That may be, but don't let it stop you.
Susan2010 is offline  
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