Re: New here....22 years and still sadness
It behooves me to understand why some men love being in the military. I have a nephew who is like that. He also is in the reserves, and no matter how much his wife and children and we, his family, beg him not to go, he always volunteers to be deployed to the Middle East. He did a tour in Iraq, one tour in Afghanistan, and left again last month for Afghanistan. He was also at Guantanamo Bay. Men like my nephew and your husband really love it. I can't explain why. And perhaps it isn't men only. His younger daughter, my niece, also loves the military. They were both in the Middle East at the same time once though not in the same country. She was very excited to go and were it not for the fact that she got married and had baby, she would have stayed in the military. Even now, some 5 years later and a second baby, she says she misses it.
There are a lot of threads on the board from wives complaining about their husband disregarding and disrespecting their wishes. They are mainly concerning another woman. I'm afraid I think this is a different kind of situation. I can't say he is being disrespectful of your wishes or inconsiderate of your feelings. It seems a matter of him doing something he really wants and you not wanting him to do it. At such an impasse, how can it be decided who gives in? When it appears you both want entirely different things out of life and your marriage, I cannot see my way to make him wrong. I understand you want him to sacrifice for you, you want to mean more to him, and you want that you both share the same desires, and you want to come first in his life. But there is no right or wrong in this situation. You cannot make him desire anything. If meaning more and coming first is what you need, then you are with the wrong man. You want/expect more than this man can give you. Unfortunately, that comes as a hard lesson to follow after spending 22 years and thinking you were both working toward the same goal. It appears then that the two of you did not communicate very well over the years.
Since he has made his decision and insists the military is what he wants, then you also have to make a decision to either accept it or leave to find love elsewhere with someone who values you more. I realize you love THIS man. You want to be with THIS man. And you probably don't want to end up feeling the past 22 years were for naught. Still, the decision is yours. If you want to be with THIS man, then you must accept his choice in this matter. It will only continue to hurt your feelings to want and expect more from him. Or you can go to find more.
I must say I find the new bank account very suspicious.