TimeAfterTime

I have been married for 7 years..we have no children. I have felt more and more lonely and depressed lately. My family lives in Ohio whereas my husband's family and friends are all within a 45 minute drive. Both my husband and I have good jobs. My husband works as an engineer and has a bunch of coworkers he hangs around with...they are already doing frisbee golf and online gaming and soon will be doing some paintball tournaments or something like that. He is so involved with coworkers or playing games on his Iphone, that we rarely talk. On the other hand, I work for a family-owned company. I am an introvert most of the time except when I am required to be an extrovert for work or whatever. My husband calls me a 'hermit', because I do not like going to his large family gatherings like pig pickins...I do not mind being around his mom, dad, brother and grandparents but I feel really uncomfortable and get anxious when I am around large groups of people...I come from a smaller family and my anxiety sets in when I am forced into those situations. Also, my husband and I do not have kids and we do not have sex that often plus we rarely kiss anymore...it makes me depressed to think about it because I feel like it will not change.


I just feel like I have no one to talk to.

scarletblue

I'm sorry you feel this way. I am also an introvert....kind of. When I was young, I'd have anxiety attacks around strangers. Now, I have gotten better, but when around a bunch of strangers, I'm really shy.

It got to a point in my life, that I was letting some potentially really good times/potential memories pass me by, by shying away from people. So, I've made myself get out there and be social. Most of the time it has paid off.

There have been times when I was feeling uncomfortable around people I didn't know. I had to tell myself that I am responsible for how good of I time I am going to have. I have made myself go up and talk to people. It's amazing the self confidence I gained from that.

Don't let life pass you by. I think you and your husband should do things together, but don't make him solely responsible for your good times/memories. I'm not saying go to every family get-together, but paintballing is really fun, and I never thought it would be until I tried it.

GinaAbu

I also agree with scarlettblue. You should try to find stuff to get into that makes you happy. I am a married women of 12 years and I feel like sometimes this happens to my husband because his family lives in another country and mine are all close by. I have stopped forcing him to go to everything because I feel like he is not always happy to come. I let him chose now and I use to call him a hermit but stopped because I thought it might be hurting his feelings. I do wish that he would find a hobby that he likes but I sometimes think that he wont change. I love finding new things to get into and he makes me feel sometimes like I his hobby. You should try to do some things with your husband because if not seems like you guys may drift apart but also make yourself find something you like. When you start showing your husband you can find things to do that you enjoy than he will feel less pressure and he will actually start wanting to be with you more. The kissing thing you just have to fake it till you make it come back.... I think we all have that in our marriage here in there if we are in a marriage longer than five years. Have you told him how you feel? That is another thing i always go around wondering how my husband feels about certain things when it comes to not wanting to get out much and I sometimes wish he would come out and say it like, "I don't really feel like hanging out with anyone today, I wish you would go and have fun I would rather stay here, I would love to just hang out with you tonight, Can you stay with me instead of hanging with the guys on Friday..... I also wish he would plan more things that we could do together....Maybe that is something that would help your relationship say honey I paid for us a weekend in the mountains or I have plans for us to go to the movies on Sat. Make some time for you and him cause if you are planning to have kids you will have a hard time planning that special time. We have a 10 an 5 year old and we hardly ever get time alone....Good luck and best wishes....
one more thing I had a relationship before I got married and I was on the opposite side and I remembering back I was not happy and come to find out I was actually depressed because I had ignored all signs of depression and then I blamed it on him and he was having such a great time and I always felt like I was a hermit and when he met with his friends and family i felt shy.... I am NOT a shy person... thinking back I am glad I went and got some medication for my depression.. I broke it off with that guy and took some anti depression meds for 6 months and never felt like that again....hope this helps....

turnera

Tell your husband the truth. Ask him to carve out 30 minutes a day to be with you without TV or computers. Play a board game. Set up a chess board and just keep playing the same game every day. Get a pet together. Go bike riding. You have to nurture your marriage, or it will die.

And he needs to hear how you are feeling. You're supposed to be best friends.