Aloneinthedark

I leave in a small campus town where my husband goes to school. He is very busy and this is an important move for our family too. I am alone here: a town with a lot of closed minded people who ar every private about their lives...it is like a special club and I am an outsider. Every one is nice of course, but it does not go beyond that. I spend my days with my kids and family when they call me on the phone.
My husband tries to be helpful when he is home: cleaning, asking how I am doing and helping with the kids. But I have been feeling terribly depressed lately...I dont feel anything and couldnt care less with myself, but I go with the motions and manage to give my kids love, then I am depleted...nothing left for myself or my husband.
I find myself so mad at him. I dont want to blame him, but I guess I am blaming him. I always feel I am second to his studies. He doesnt take me out and doesnt really make an effort to spend one on one time with me. The times he does come and sit next to me, I feel he is not really interested in me and soon has to get up to do his stuff.
I tried telling him that, and of course I sounded mad and upset. He didnt want hear any of it and said it is not fair that I am dumping it all on him. But I am alone here and he is the only one who cares about me in this place....or should care about me.
I think I want to take my kids and go home, back to where I came from.

Blanca

i know how you feel. I feel the same way with my H. for years i was really depressed about it. I am still sad about it but not depressed.

i think you have to start giving yourself what you need. its heartbreaking not to be able to get love from your husband, but as long as you are happy what difference does it matter how you got that way. and if you are the one to make yourself happy then you know you can always enjoy life no matter who you are with. that is my current approach. im back to rebuilding my life. I still get sad that my H hardly participates in the things i like but like i said, its just a lingering sadness and not a miserable depression.

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"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

Susan2010

I don't think it's fair you are dumping it all on him either. You are making him responsible for your happiness, your entertainment, your loneliness, and your jealousy that he does something of interest but you don't. I feel a spouse is responsible for some of those things some of the time but not all things all the time. You say you blame him but don't tell us why he is to blame, which makes me think it is your depression talking because you also say he tries to be helpful and attentive. Go talk to your doctor and tell him how you feel. He can help if you want to feel better.