6 years and no proposal - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-20-2010, 12:39 PM Thread Starter
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6 years and no proposal

Hey there,
Well my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years.. he is 20 and I'm 22.. we have had a few short break ups in this time but have been going strong for the past 2 years. Friends of ours that have been together just as long as we have and are around the same age recently got engaged.. So now I feel the pressure to get married..
My boyfriend says he wants to marry me and have a life with me, but why is he waiting to propose? He bought me a promise ring 2 years ago as well, I understand that we are still young.. but I'm feeling so pressured.. we have been living together for 2 years now and we are best friends.. He constantly tells me how amazing I am and how much fun he has with me, he says that he always tells his friends how great of a girlfriend I am and his friends love me.. is there something I'm doing that makes him not want to commit?
Do you think we are too young to be engaged? Or am I just letting the pressure to get engaged get to me?
It has been bothering me so much.. help!

Last edited by sheena.xo; 05-20-2010 at 12:46 PM.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-20-2010, 12:49 PM
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Re: 6 years and no proposal

Hey there. I think you are just letting the pressure get to you. I was 16 when I started dating my now husband and he proposed to me when I was 21 got married a year after. What's the rush in getting married if you have him living with you and you know he loves you? It will soon come. There was a time when I wondered when he was giong to propose to me but then I just got over it and next thing you know, one night we had finished eating dinner and he proposed.. I think its a great feeling if you dont know when its going to happen. Marriage is a big thing, it's not just a stupid game where you get married this year and get a divorce the next year.

Just let time handle it.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-20-2010, 02:59 PM
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Re: 6 years and no proposal

Is he financially stable?
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-20-2010, 03:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 6 years and no proposal

Originally Posted by cherrypie18 View Post
Is he financially stable?
Not really no, I mean he has enough to pay his bills but he isn't quite sure what to do with his life just yet. He feels inferior to me I think as well because I am currently in school for Nursing.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-20-2010, 08:21 PM
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Re: 6 years and no proposal

Oh honey. You are very very young. Take it from a woman who got married at 22 after having a baby at 21. Am I still married to my husband? Yes. 17 years later. But it came with ALOT of the pain of both of us growing up. That is NOT to say you aren't already a grown up, but marriage oddly enough puts a totally different spin on things. I have known my husband since we were 9. Yes, 9. Good friends, so you would think that marriage would be easy for us, given our history. It wasn't. All of a sudden the expectation of my spouse is higher than when we were dating and mine was of him. Suddenly things are different. I don't know why. It just was. It was HARD work to work out our kinks. He moved out 3 times, I moved out 4. We worked through it and are still together (now happily) after all these years and against all odds/statistics. Having said that, he ALWAYS supported me in my goals and path in life. Always. He never felt inferior to me in any way. In fact, he was/is proud of me and my greatest champion. It does concern me that you mention that you think he feels inferior to you because you are studying to become a Nurse. That is a wonderful profession and something he should feel proud to have in his life. Damn proud. I think there is something deeper going on with him. Could he be resentful of you for finding you path in life while he is still trying to figure his out? I don't know. These are things that need to be explored long before you become engaged otherwise years after marriage this will become a level of resentment you cannot imagine.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-20-2010, 08:55 PM
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Re: 6 years and no proposal

I was with my ex husband at 16 and married at 21 and divorced at 25. I'm not saying that is what will happen, but you do ALOT of changing between 16 and 25. I have no idea why - but 25 is like a magic age when your brain starts working correctly again. Don't rush it just because everyone else is. He needs to get a focus and a plan for his life, because while you may be ok with him floating right now and trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up...when you get married it will start to wear on you - believe me. My ex bounced from job to job to job, talked about going to school for this and that and never actually did. He settled into his career our last year of marriage - but by that time I had been a career girl with a college degree for 3 years and had been carrying us for longer with student loans etc. It wears on you not to be on the same path. Give him time to grow up and give yourself time as well.
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