05-25-2010, 04:46 PM
Join Date: Jul 2008
| | Re: Drained And Full of Tears
Originally Posted by ?ingItAll
Will I know for sure if he is telling the truth in my heart?
We are supposed to have a full disclosure conversation tonight, however if it doesnt transpire tonight I will have to do it tommorow so that he cannot use being tired as an excuse to rush or end the conversation.
I had so many conversations with my h to try and get the truth out of him. i dont have those conversations anymore. If he keeps making excuses to get out of them, why force him? if you have to force him just to show up there's no way he's being honest with you.
My H is a liar. I didnt notice in the beginning but he's the worst manipulator/liar ive ever met. I dont ask him serious questions anymore because he's not capable of answering. only took me a million conversations to figure that out.
What i trust now is how i feel. it is the only thing i can completely trust. If i dont feel good about the relationship, i back off. its that simple. I can understand your situation is different since you dont know if he's sleeping around and you have kids. but the bottom line is he's not trustworthy and you know it. as hard as it is you have to wait for him to come to you. that is the only way you will know he's telling the truth. and i dont mean wait for him to tell you all the little secrets he's been hiding. he may never tell you that. but if he's trustworthy he will talk to you about what he needs in the relationship. this weekend was the first weekend in the five years i have known my husband that he came to me with a problem he had with the relationship. that's the only way you know they are starting to be worthy of your trust.
and as far as boundaries, there's a great book called Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Cloud and Townsend. my H and i did it together. my H really opened up emotionally and it was a constructive way for us to get out our resentments.
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie