engaged101010

My fiancee (56yrs old) has a really close relationship with his niece (33yrs old). Does anyone except me feel these things cross the line?
1) He took her to buy her first lingerie when she was 16 at Victoria's secret...he claims he sat outside. ( I think that is weird and they have no problem telling people this...although, this was before my time, I find it embarrassing)
2) 3 yrs ago we were in Aspen at an outside concert.....she lays with her head in his lap. (how it looked, you wouldn't know if I was the girlfriend or she was)
3) He constantly is getting texts telling him how much she loves him, how great he is, she misses him. (I find that weird)
Neither one of them have ever been married. The niece is very immature for her age. Thank heavens she lives in another state!
I have brought this up to him...however, he thinks I am out of line by stating my feelings that the relationship is a little too close.
Any advice? Am I wrong here?

Maroson

I get a creepy vibe. But im terrible with this sort of thing.

Are you sure its actually blood related family.?

engaged101010

yep, it is his sister's daughter. I find it creepy too.

Susan2010

Are you wrong about what? Thinking "the relationship is a little too close"? Or for bringing it up to him? Not sure which one you're asking.

Maybe you are right about the relationship, but they are adults who can consent to whatever they want their relationship to be. You might find it creepy to think something is going on between them, but I would find it creepy, of course, if she were under age. But she's not, so it wouldn't matter to me what they do. The scene in the park though would anger me if it seemed or felt like he was forsaking me for her (or any woman). No boundaries would probably make it appear forsaking.

Yes, I think you were wrong to bring it up to him but only because of the way you brought it up. It isn't up to you to judge or tell him his relationship with his niece is too close. He would naturally resent the implications and reject the notion coming from someone being judgmental. I think you should have approached it from a personal standpoint and told him how their public display made you feel.

engaged101010

Susan 2010... Yes, both...
I agree that I could have approached it differently...and, it probably put him right on the defense.
I also agree, that they are two consenting adults and if that is the relationship they choose, so be it. However, I am engaged to this guy. I am not comfortable with the possibility of "line crossing with the niece" even if she is of age.
I obviously do not have a relationship with my uncles in such a way. My daughter does not have a relationship with her uncles that way. It seems to me that the niece is "in love" with her uncle and it seems a bit unhealthy. And, for whatever reason my fiancee nurtures her behavior. Would anyone else be alarmed...a little bit? I am at a loss...Do I just ignore it?

Susan2010

That's what I mean by no boundaries can seem forsaking (which is disrespectful). No, you shouldn't ignore it, but you can't present it to him in a challenging way, nor can you appear to be judgmental. For example, your last paragraph is again judgmental. He wouldn't appreciate that. So, you have to present it to him simply from a woman's, his woman's, position in that he should understand it is disrespecting you to allow ANY woman to behave that way with him. If you say something similar and include "no matter how innocent it may be," then you disarm him in effort to make him approach the subject from a more sensitive position because you appealed to him personally and sensitively. Otherwise, he will be understandably defensive.