History of phone & internet "cheating" now schoolmate? Thoughts PLEASE

vibrant13 · 05-27-2010, 12:45 PM

My husband has a history of setting up online profiles and secret email accounts (which he hasn't done I don't think for a while) in addition to that he also has a tendancy to get drunk and after I go to bed call phone chat lines. Okay now that you have the background......

He is currently going through nursing classes and is therefore classmates with mostly women (that part doesn't bother me) What DOES bother me is that there is one in particular that for the last couple of weeks has been calling him between 3 - 5 times a day. According to him she is his lab partner.

He got hurt at softball, went to class the next day and got out early, just as I happened to be driving by after picking my son up from daycare. As I looked over to the parking lot I noticed 2 girls accompanying him to his truck, so I pulled in behind him and the 2 girls practically RAN away. I thought that was peculiar because I would have just introduced myself and left it at that. He said he'd meet me at home momentarily and I started leaving and as I looked in my rearview mirror I saw them start to walk back to his truck. I stopped and pulled to where they couldn't see me to watch. One (the lab partner) proceeded to lean up and into his truck (they weren't kissing) After watching for a couple minutes I called him, he didn't answer. Then I was furious. I called again (mind you I could SEE all of this) She backed away from the truck and she and the other girl left.

He came home and we had a blow out about it. He claimed total innocence and that no lines had been crossed etc. He shut his phone off that night, I turned it on in the morning to find a text message from lab partner asking "if he was doing ok". I texted her back "this is his wife and I don't know why you're so concerned".

I told my h what I had texted her as a heads up. Last night when I got home from work he went CRAZY on me because now "none of his (female) classmates will have anything to do with him now" I had plans with a friend and our kids last night and when I got home he gave me the silent treatment and slept in his son's room.

I feel like I'm losing my mind because HE'S mad at ME! Am I in the wrong? Will someone PLEASE give me their perspectives on this

Blanca · 05-28-2010, 12:26 AM

I think your H is jerk and im sorry for what you are going through. but that said, you cant cage him. you cant make him do what you want by chasing off any girls he drags up. then it just turns into a parent child relationship. he will rebel and you'll fight him as if he's a child. as hard as it is, you have to let him have his free agency to act as he wants. But you'll have to decide how long you want to live with a guy like that.

maggierose · 05-28-2010, 09:47 AM

I agree with Blanca, when your married this is unacceptable behavior... if he wants to act like a horned up 18 and talk to every girl in his class then he should have stayed single and to not answer the phone when you drove away what if you were calling because you got into an accident and needed him!!!! that alone would infuriate me. You cannot make him act a certain way and forbid him to talk to these girls cause that just simply won't work. I would talk to him and tell him how hurt and concerned you are about this, if he gets mad let him get mad.. if your that important to him he should respect you and NEVER do it again... you say he has a history of this and believe me girl history repeats itself.. once a cheater always a cheater people don't change. So think about it... if you wanna live in constant turmoil wondering who he is talking to you where he is and blah blah blah... doesn't sound like a healthy way to live if you ask me... you deserve better than that.

vibrant13 · 05-28-2010, 10:59 AM

I brought up the situation to him last night. He stated that he was so quiet because of the pain meds he was on and that he didn't sleep in his son's room, he tried sleeping in our bed and couldn't. (Which he frequently gets up in the middle of the night not being able to sleep and goes down to the couch) He really just tried to sweep everything under the rug and kiss my butt the majority of the night. I just feel like there is a total break down of honest and upfront conversation and I'm not sure what to do about it.

On top of what is currently going on, we rarely if ever have sex anymore. Any time I bring it up to him we have sex once and then it's another 4 - 5 week hiatus, until I bring it up again. I told him flat out that I'm about ready to just go get a battery operated boyfriend (bob). I just don't understand WHY