05-28-2010, 11:36 AM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: SE Wisconsin
| | Re: She never spends time with me...
You just need to explain, calmly, that you want a marriage that includes companionship and affection, and ask if she is interested in remaining married under those conditions. She's not being sensitive to your needs, obviously, but she needs to know that this is not a discussion or debate--you have certain expectations of marriage and if she does not share them, you will find someone else. You need to be adult and calm, not accusing. This is about what you need, and if she cannot give it, you cannot "blame" her--you will just have to move on.
On your end, work on good communication and boundaries--you've let her get away with this, so ask yourself why? And, are you mad and perhaps accusatory? Then work on self-esteem, b/c a self-confident adult does not need to get angry and accusatory when another person disappoints his/her expectations. You state needs, wishes, boundaries, and if the other person does not meet them (in ANY part of life--work, wife, etc., but not with kids exactly), you either change your expectations to something more realistic for that relationship, or you move on. Anger doesn't help! It's a sign that you feel threatened, and that stems from your feelings of need and vulnerability, which more self-confidence, not controlling others, will help. (I'm not saying you are controlling, just making you aware that can happen).