Hi,
I'm at a terrible crossroads and I'm hoping for some objective advice.
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years (living together for 4) I'm 27 and he's 24. It's a happy relationship that I'm starting to resent because of the lack of a proposal.
Stupid I know; what does it matter? We're both young and have a lot ahead of us and I would have been comfortable waiting for longer but our situation will be changing soon and it's prompted me to reevaluate our relationship.
Basically, my boyfriend has been accepted to do another degree at University. Yep, ANOTHER. When we first got together,I was working in finance and he was a student. At the time, I was happy helping out financially. He gave what he could (working part time to help pay his half of the bills etc) and we managed to cover our outgoings but luxuries, such as holidays, days out etc, were non existant. Being not long out of university myself, this wasn't an issue; I was used to living cheaply and those first years were some of the happiest of my life.
However, once he left University and we were both working, things changed. I now teach, he works in insurance. He loathes his job but, for the first time ever, we have a (modest) disposable income. We're saving for a house, can afford to go on small trips and I feel like this is the direction my life should be going in. Life is much easier when you've got some money behind you.
As my boyfriend was so unhappy, I suggested he go in another direction like I did. Going into teaching was the best decision of my life and, while it's hard going, it is incredibly rewarding. So he did. He applied and got into a University course that would eventually lead to a good career. The only downside is that it'll take 5 years out of our lives before he qualifies.
I'll be 32 (scary enough of a thought as it is), struggling to pay bills because I'll be the only one with an income (pressure), he'll be working part time to contribute so we'll never see each other (He'll be at uni during the week while I'm working then he'll work at weekends) I always imagined that by 30 I'd be married, have my own home and actually be able to afford nice things. Now, I'll be living like a student again. The thought terrifies me.
I also want children and, due to medical reasons, the likelyhood of me being able to have them is pretty slim, especially as I get older. Once he qualifies, we'll need at least two years to get back on our feet financially, meaning I'll be at least 34 before we can even discuss children and our long term future.
I could deal with all of this, I really could, if I knew that he was committing to me the same way I'd be committing to him. If he were to propose then I would know that it was forever. I'm petrified of giving up my life for a maybe.
We've talked about marriage and he says that he wants to marry me but not yet. We're young, there's no rush etc. Before the University bombshell I agreed. Now, I'm not so sure.
I feel so awfully selfish. How can I encourage someone to better their life then turn around and say STOP!!!!???
Oh dear...
Weekate
I'm at a terrible crossroads and I'm hoping for some objective advice.
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years (living together for 4) I'm 27 and he's 24. It's a happy relationship that I'm starting to resent because of the lack of a proposal.
Stupid I know; what does it matter? We're both young and have a lot ahead of us and I would have been comfortable waiting for longer but our situation will be changing soon and it's prompted me to reevaluate our relationship.
Basically, my boyfriend has been accepted to do another degree at University. Yep, ANOTHER. When we first got together,I was working in finance and he was a student. At the time, I was happy helping out financially. He gave what he could (working part time to help pay his half of the bills etc) and we managed to cover our outgoings but luxuries, such as holidays, days out etc, were non existant. Being not long out of university myself, this wasn't an issue; I was used to living cheaply and those first years were some of the happiest of my life.
However, once he left University and we were both working, things changed. I now teach, he works in insurance. He loathes his job but, for the first time ever, we have a (modest) disposable income. We're saving for a house, can afford to go on small trips and I feel like this is the direction my life should be going in. Life is much easier when you've got some money behind you.
As my boyfriend was so unhappy, I suggested he go in another direction like I did. Going into teaching was the best decision of my life and, while it's hard going, it is incredibly rewarding. So he did. He applied and got into a University course that would eventually lead to a good career. The only downside is that it'll take 5 years out of our lives before he qualifies.
I'll be 32 (scary enough of a thought as it is), struggling to pay bills because I'll be the only one with an income (pressure), he'll be working part time to contribute so we'll never see each other (He'll be at uni during the week while I'm working then he'll work at weekends) I always imagined that by 30 I'd be married, have my own home and actually be able to afford nice things. Now, I'll be living like a student again. The thought terrifies me.
I also want children and, due to medical reasons, the likelyhood of me being able to have them is pretty slim, especially as I get older. Once he qualifies, we'll need at least two years to get back on our feet financially, meaning I'll be at least 34 before we can even discuss children and our long term future.
I could deal with all of this, I really could, if I knew that he was committing to me the same way I'd be committing to him. If he were to propose then I would know that it was forever. I'm petrified of giving up my life for a maybe.
We've talked about marriage and he says that he wants to marry me but not yet. We're young, there's no rush etc. Before the University bombshell I agreed. Now, I'm not so sure.
I feel so awfully selfish. How can I encourage someone to better their life then turn around and say STOP!!!!???
Oh dear...
Weekate