Dealing with your spouse's family?!

Damselfish · 05-31-2010, 07:45 PM

Hi everyone,

My husband's family is having yet another family reunion. We leave in 2 weeks.

I am dreading it and don't want to go but feel I should for my kids.

He has a huge family. I do not. His family is very snooty to me and I have tolerated snide remarks and disrespect in the past but I have grown very resentful. We live in a different state and have not gotten together with them in 5 years (minus the drop in fly by by an occasional bro/sis of his.

This will be an 1,100 mile road trip and I am dreading it! Not so much the road trip...but the destination. I don't think I can tolerate a whole week with these people and pretend to like it. I also don't want to seem like an ungrateful brat!

What would you do?

I feel like I just need to bite the bullet and smile and "stand there and look pretty" (as my MIL would say when I ask her if she needs help with anything). YUCK!!!!

Thanks for input, guys.

sisters359 · 05-31-2010, 08:24 PM

BTDT. I finally just started retreating to my room, reading, or taking long walks alone, etc. Why subject myself to it? My ex-husband had isolated himself from my family on visits for years, so he couldn't object. Even better, let him take the kids and go, and enjoy a week by yourself somewhere-alone, with friends, whatever. I was never really accepted, and let it bother me for too long. It was so much better when I didn't!

Refer all questions about your behavior to your husband. It's his family, let him answer them. And he needs to make it clear that there is no bashing you while absent--the kids will hear it, and that's just cruel. "Mom's taking this chance to enjoy some time to herself while you visit your cousins" will usually satisfy the kids.

Damselfish · 05-31-2010, 08:38 PM

Thanks, Sis

I'm glad I'm not alone. I have never really felt "excepted" either. I hate that! I am a really fun-loving person and was so excited originally to become part of such a big family...until all the gossipy, snide talk. URG! I have pretty much withdrawn from them. My SIL is even seen rolling her eyes in my wedding video while we were saying vows.

I also found this link with some advice (if it helps someone else, too)

Getting Together with Family

Also, it's not the men in the family - just the women. I wish I had good comebacks to the snarky people.

Blanca · 05-31-2010, 09:17 PM

I wouldnt go. I would send my H and the kids off and stay home. Or i'd go and find something else to do while they hang around the family. Over xmas my H went to his family to visit but i didnt go. its what works for us. If my H ever wants to go be around his family i have no problem with that. but he understands that im not ready to be around them.