JLH3

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. I love him with all my heart and we have an amazing 3 year old son. We have always had a rocky relationship and things are always a roller coaster...a few weeks of things being great and then a few days of things being horrible.

Lately things have been really bad and he has said things that are very hard for me to forget or forgive.

A little background: He started a new job and started hanging out with some new friends. One being a 20 year old female (he's 28) that was sleeping with another co-worker (who is was in a 6 year relationship) I work early and my husband works 2nd shift so I always go to bed early. He has had conversations with her late at night, after I go to bed and talk about her boobs and how sexy she is. He chats with her and doesn't close the chat box and then gets mad at me for asking him about it.

He say horrible things to me me, like I'm an embarrassment and he doesn't want his friends over when I am home. That he doesn't want to spend time with me and that all girls at work think I'm a big *****...He makes me feel like it is my fault and that I'm wrong for questioning his "friendships" with female co-workers.

Am I wrong??? Please, any advice...anything. I need to understand why he is acting this way and why he won't just be honest with me.

GoDucks

Personally, I think the two of you should have a lot of rights to determine the friendship boundaries of the other, especially with regard to the opposite sex.

Have you told him that you aren't comfortable with him being friends with a woman that is known for being in an affair with a committed man? Do you remind him that you don't share? (that's our phrase, not yours...lol.)

When H and I were only a couple years into our marriage, this was more of an issue... I became fast friends with our bachelor neighbor. It bugged H a lot. Honestly, I hadn't ever considered an attraction, but when H brought it up, I just asked if I can become friends with him while H is there. So, I still got to be friends with our neighbor, and H was more at ease. We all became great friends, but I think it was helpful for H to help determine some of the boundaries in a specific situation.

I'd be TICKED if H was in chat with a girl, and I was being insulted for questioning things around it. If he thinks you don't have a right to question, then I wonder how much he values you!

HoldinOnTight

It sounds like he is guilty and doesn't want to own it. I agree with Ducks. I am no sharer but then I am a hypocrite because if sharing means keeping my family and marriage together I have seriously considered it.

swedish

Not even sure what to say here other than of course you are not wrong to be upset. He is disrespecting you, your son and your marriage by having sexual conversations with a woman from work.
Again, speaking to you, his wife, this way goes beyond disrespectful, it is vile. I would suggest that you absolutely put some boundaries in place and not allow him to speak to you this way.

Why is he acting this way? My guess is that he is putting you down so that you will feel too insecure to leave him even though he continues to disrespect you and treat you poorly.

And to say what all the 'girls at work' think is another bunch of BS...the only way the 'girls at work' would know anything about you would be from his mouth...again, he is completely disrespecting you, the mother of his child, and seems to care less.

__________________
~Swedish

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

Advocado

You're not wrong. Please dig deep ask yourself why you continue to tolerate this? I think your own self esteem must be pretty low right now for you to be putting up with this contempt and disrespect and if he knows he can have his cake and eat it, he will.