to give in or not

youngmother09 · 06-09-2010, 02:44 AM

my husband had guy friend, he has been friends with for like...ever and they went through alot, including the death of my husbands father when my husband was only 15 years old..his friend...is a jerk to me...spreads awful rumors and lies. and judges me...he told my husband to leave me, ( i was 8 months pregnant at the time) and my husband was going to listen to him. his friend also wanted him to join the army with him, so my husband joined the army 3 days before i delivered our son...i didnt want my husband to be friends with his friend anymore because my life was falling apart.. his friend told my husbands famliy...my family in laws...that im a *****, im cheating on my husband ( am NOT) that..im a drug user (NOT) that im using my husbands money while he is in boot camp to buy booze , drugs and other **** ( NOT TRUE IM A M OTHER NOW!) and that i hardly take care of my son...and that i just drop my son off at my husbands mothers house and go party,. no no no he spreads so much lies, its all untrue, i know he is jealous that my son and i are all my husbands time especially now that he is in the army and gone all the time.... but seriously i cant compete with this guy...like i told him to stay away from my husband and i cuz trouble keeps getting in the way of our marriage..problems...stress.. i cant take it...i asked my husband to stay away from this guy, stop talking to him and no more contact., is that wrong?? i dont konw what else to do,....but im pretty sure my husband is still in contact with that guy...and he promised me he woulddnt but im certian he is contacting him....and they are secrect friends or something...i dunno what to do...his friend really hurt me and lost my respect...i am not a bad mother ..and thats what he is labeling me help help help i dont know what to do please some one help

cody5 · 06-09-2010, 07:41 AM

You are a mother "now". How are the booze and drug habits? Are you full over them? And the partying and sex addiction?

You see, I'm a little confused. According to him, you are a drug addicted partying *****, but you want to come across as a devout mormon. I wonder what the truth is, that's all.

And the answer to these qestions are obviously none of my business, OR the friends. Tell your husband that his pal needs to respect you or they're not pals any more. Simple.

youngmother09 · 06-09-2010, 08:02 AM

i am not a party-ier... idont use drugs, i dont even drink at all not for 2 years and it was an occasional glass of champaine for holidays or special occasions, i am not a s l ut or anything and my husband is saying that i misunderstood wht his friend was sayin and keeps defending his friend over me

turnera · 06-09-2010, 08:47 AM

Honestly? If I had your husband for a husband, who won't even believe in his wife, who'd just up and join the army without discussing it with his WIFE, this early in your marriage? I'd be filing divorce papers.

youngmother09 · 06-09-2010, 11:51 AM

i really am considering it..all the emotional shi tt he is putting me through. ugh i feel like i should give up, but i love him, or maybe i love the person he used to be/ though he was..

jeffreygropp · 06-09-2010, 12:07 PM

He joined the army without discussing it with you when he has a new baby?

He doesn't want to be with you and doesn't have the gall to tell you. Case closed.

turnera · 06-09-2010, 01:20 PM

Love isn't enough to keep a marriage intact. At least not one-sided love.

liarliarpantsonfire · 06-09-2010, 03:42 PM

I would leave. If you do decide to leave....or let him go, I guess...he is gone already, in training, right? I can further explain to you how to get the $$ and support you are entitled to by contacting his chain of command. The Army doesnt play around with soldiers not supporting their families... they actually pay the married ones extra to do it with. He should be giving you EVERY DIME of the BAH (basic housing allowance)... and if he is not or was not, he can get into big trouble. His pay is his. His BAH is YOURS

DawnD · 06-09-2010, 04:33 PM

If you are considering leaving, might I suggest you talk to a legal office on his post before you go making plans?? You don't get his BAH, you get what is known as BAH II, which is a percentage and depends on how many children you have during the seperation and until a court order is placed. You can call and give them his rank and that it would be you with one child and they will give you a figure of how much it would be. Probably not a whole lot.

Second, you have to have seperation papers to go to his chain of command. You can't just walk in and tell them he owes you, you have to have the papers to back it up. He's at training, so I am assuming you aren't with him now?? You can always fax and phone, but you have to have that first. It is common for the leaders to have them set up a different account to receive all their pay and give you only what they have to. The chain of commands job at that point will be to take care of him, not you.

Think everything over carefully and if you ultimately decide with seperation or divorce, call legal and gets the steps you need to take to get what you need. Good luck honey and yeah, he totally screwed the pooch with his actions.

youngmother09 · 06-10-2010, 06:24 AM

if you knew me you would seriously feel bad of posting that -thetruth- but thanks...for the same accusations agaisnt me

DawnD · 06-10-2010, 10:45 AM

You are gonna have to grow some thicker skin honey. There is always going to be someone out there that comments on something you do or say, and to take something so personally will seriously drive you nuts. His friend, yeah he is trouble and you should talk to your H about why he feels the need to talk about you and lie. Are your H's parents believing any of what he says or are they telling him what is actually happening??