From a guy's perspective....

Stacie1019 · 06-10-2008, 07:43 AM

How do I get my husband to be willing to talk things through with me? Our marriage is on the downfall, and it's all because he can't talk to me about problems we are having. When I tell him something that is bothering or troubling me, he gets defensive and everything turns into a fight. We have been arguing or bickering at least once a day, and I'm getting to the end. I offered a seperation to him last night, because maybe we both just need our space, but he just got mad at the idea, and starting telling me he knew it was because of other guys. He is an extremely jealous person, and tells me that I talk to SOOO many guys, when I've got one guy friend that I see maybe once every 2-3 months. I need advice with how to deal, or let him know how I'm feeling without fearing getting my head bit off!

michzz · 06-10-2008, 08:46 AM

Are the only conversations you initiate with your husband to complain about something or him?

I would venture a guess that the problems the two of you are having are not just his fault.

Yes, he may not have good communication skills... However, maybe you don't either.

Why not try NOT initiating complaint sessions for awhile?

Focus on positive things.

it is possible that the two of you are engaging in a game of tit for tat, a power struggle.

He won't be nice because you have a male friend. You won't drop the male friend because he won't be nice. and so on....

Deejo · 06-10-2008, 10:18 AM

Get a journal. Write down how you feel. What hurts. What works. What you want. What you miss. What you love about your marriage. What you love about your husband.

If you can do that, over the course of weeks, or months, you can give it to him. It's the equivalent of handing someone your heart. If he spurns that, you can plan accordingly.

*Note* Do not give it to him if upon re-reading you realize that most of what you have expressed is critical of him, or indicates him being the source of problems. It's ok if that's the way the journal shakes out - for your benefit, but it wouldn't be the equivalent of an olive branch to your husband.

draconis · 06-10-2008, 10:32 AM

If one approach doesn't work try to communicate a different way with him.

He may have anger issues.

suggestion***Get a small tape recorder and tape the conversations, sometimes you'll find just how you might put him on the defensive, who escalates the arguing etc. Also when you know it is being recorded you tend to be better behaved.

draconis

hitrockbottom · 06-10-2008, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deejo

Get a journal. Write down how you feel. What hurts. What works. What you want. What you miss. What you love about your marriage. What you love about your husband.

If you can do that, over the course of weeks, or months, you can give it to him. It's the equivalent of handing someone your heart. If he spurns that, you can plan accordingly.

*Note* Do not give it to him if upon re-reading you realize that most of what you have expressed is critical of him, or indicates him being the source of problems. It's ok if that's the way the journal shakes out - for your benefit, but it wouldn't be the equivalent of an olive branch to your husband.

Thats What I am doing as a guy is starting a journal and it is open for my wife to read anytime she wants..it helps me out with my feelings as well instead of keeping them held in...that way when I do talk with my wife I can do calmly instead of rude, and out of Anger