Trying to keep my marriage together! - Page 3

Bad Guy · 07-25-2008, 05:31 PM

Thanks everyone for your advice! You don't know how much it is appreciated. To me nothing is going to change or get better if I'm not at home trying to show her my changes and her getting comfortable with me again so she can feel better about our marriage. I'm going back home! I feel I am ready to show her how important she is to me.

We had a month apart. To me we can go on for month's and month's and it still could be the same. Nothing is improved upon except us getting farther apart from each other. I don't want to sit around and wait for her to tell me it's over and not even have the chance to show her something different. I feel in my heart that this is what needs to be done. I feel I need to show her I am ready to take charge of our marriage and take it to a better place. If she has a hard time with that, I have to let go because it won't get any better staying apart. How can things get better if the marriage is not being worked on together in the same place? That to me is what makes alot of sense. Being away from each other just allows us to grow apart.

I can see staying separated if the one that has been doing the damage in the relationship is not looking at himself deeply to change. I feel I am ready to work at this %110. Thanks again everyone for your help and support. I'll keep you updated!

blind · 07-25-2008, 05:49 PM

I agree you need to be in the home. I hope you didn't take my posts as suggesting otherwise. I found that being too clingy or needy was bad for my situation. I've never left the marital home or the marital bed. But I sometimes have to step back and give my wife more space. Just some food for thought from my personal experience. Take it for what it is worth. Keep your eye on the prize and please do keep us posted on how things are going.

Blind

Missy · 07-25-2008, 10:48 PM

Self reflection is a good start, but to her you have said these words before and now only actions will suffice. You need to show her how you are changing. It wont be overnight but if she see's your effort you will have a chance. Keep communicating with her and find out what she really wants from you. NOT surface things but what is it she is really asking of you. It might just be the key! It sounds like she wanted more time with you and your undivided attention. do some research, keep soul searching, ask the questions, and put into action. This way you do have a shot at saving your marriage.

Bad Guy · 07-28-2008, 01:45 AM

Update...This is pretty bad update for me to share. I called my wife on friday to talk to her that I'm coming home and that nothing is getting resolved being separated. So, I pack up my things and go home. My wife works 2nd shift so she doesn't get home till about 11:45pm. I wait for her to come home and she doesn't get in till after 12:30. Out of character to come home that late. No big deal, I blow it off.

She comes home and says she's not staying long because she's going up north camping with her family and join my 2 sons who are already up there and come back sunday. I knew about this trip so no surprise, but with it being late I thought she would just go to bed and leave in the morning.

We talk about things for awhile and it gets to 2pm and she is done packing and is addament that she wants to go now to drive 2 hours away to the camping site. So, I'm sad because I thought we could use this weekend to work on things.

So leaves and I ask her to txt me when she got there to let me know she made it ok. I fall asleep and check my phone and no txt. I'm worried so I txt her and see if she was ok and she responds, "yeah, I'm fine."

During the weekend I clean around the house, read books I have about marriage eager for her and the kids to come home. Sunday comes around and I txt her with no response. Through out the day I txt her and call her with nothing. 5pm rolls around. I'm worried now so I call her mom who is there camping with the whole family and ask her is my wife there and is she ok. She tells me she hasn't seen her all weekend and was expecting her to come. Now, I'm shocked! Her mom calls her to find out what's going on. I call her back and she tells me she's fine, but my wife wouldn't tell her where she is? Then my wife txt me finally and says, "What the f... do you want?" I'm like what is going on? I call her and she won't answer the phone she will only txt me. I ask where are you what's going on? She responds with "Leave me the f... alone and leave my mom out of it!"

At this point, I'm shocked and stunned because this is so out of character for her to do this. She lied to me about camping and she won't tell me anything about where she is or what she's doing? This is night #3 she is away for and everything you can think of is racing through my head. She stopped responding to my txt now. So, I sit here hurt, shocked, disbelief, just in pain. She turned completely heartless. Nothing bad happened lately for this? I just told her I was through with the separation and was coming home?

Where do I go from here? I lost all trust. She has to be with another man. She doesn't have any friends except for one that I know of for her to go to like this? Right now I'm taking this as marriage over. What else is there now? Going in to see lawyer tomorrow. What does anyone think of this? And as of right now no word at all from her still as to what is going on?

ljtseng · 07-28-2008, 09:00 AM

Hi Bad Guy. Ive been following your story. Im so sorry things have seemed to go south. I read a lot of the posts and something Draconis said on another post sticks out to me. Sometimes we change too late to save the relationship we are in. But that doesnt mean the positive changes you've made in your own life have to go unrewarded. You may have lost the love of this relationship, but if you really have changed for the better, there could be another very rewarding relationship for you.
I wish you all the best.

Bad Guy · 07-28-2008, 10:20 AM

Thank you! I know I'm a good man in my heart. I just realized things too late. No matter what happens I'm a changed man for good. This whole experience has awakened me to myself.

Well, still no communication at all with my wife. I meet with a lawyer at noon. Every man out there reading this, wake up and treat your woman like gold! They are very precious, so show them how precious they are! Don't be like me who had a great woman and lost her all because of my own selfishness and took her for granted.

If your friends call and want you to hang out and drink and your wife doesn't want you to...DON'T GO!

If your friends want you to hang out at strip clubs...think of your wife and say NO!

I can go on and on, but you get the point. Don't let your marriage get to the point where I'm at where some other man is out there enjoying your wife with no idea where she is and your left on the side of the curb hurt and in pain. There's no pain like knowing another man is having sex with your wife. Please save yourself the pain and make her #1 in your life!

Amplexor · 07-28-2008, 10:35 AM

Sound advice Bad Guy. Spouses should all take heed that when your loved one tells you they are unhappy you need to try and understand why. Marriage takes work and without communication and effort it can slip into withdrawal and then on to failure. Good luck BG.