General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Here I go again. My in-laws are coming to "visit" on Monday and I'm already freaking out. My anxiety level is THROUGH THE ROOF today. I've linked last years torture above.
If you actually read through the posts from last year (quite entertaining if you're not me ), one positive is that I have limited their stay to only one week....7 days....this year. Absolutely no more 3-4 week stays here! We did not go to their house for Thanksgiving as we had been doing (and will not be going this year either). AND...I have sent my husband out, by himself, to visit his family twice in the last year, and both times he made me change his flights so he could come home early.
The TAM members who helped me through last years grotesque invasion of my household are no longer posting. I'm hoping there are a few here currently who have a wicked sense of humor and can help me get through this years invasion.
Already, I've been going to the gym more than double my normal schedule and I'm drinking more than normal too. Just in the anticipation of the in-law arrival.
Yet again....hubby works swing shift Tue-Fri. They will be here Mon-Sun. I was insistant that DH take some time off work to "tend" to his parents. They informed us they have plans every single evening with friends, which totally negates hubby taking off work. They use us for free room, board and car. And they nasty up my house and totally disprespect me while they're here.
Aaahhhh....if this one week of anticipation doesn't send me to the funny farm, the week that they are here is sure to!!
Heh, I had to read your link there. OMG! I'm sorry but I laughed so hard.
First thing to do.....go to the dollar store and buy 20 toothbrushes and leave them out in the bathroom for them. Then hide your good towels...might as well start the pile in your room now.
I would say to cover your sofa in plastic, but your MIL is large (my former MIL was too), and it's summer, she may sweat and there could be a dampness issue there and she would squeak every time she moved.
It's only week, so as long as you're prepared, you'll survive. Just keep reminding yourself of last year. Your in-laws are lucky to have such a wonderful sweet DIL.
Save your sofa and your living room and put a TV in their room. If not another television, then move the one from the living room into their room even if it's large.
I knew you guys would help! Thank you. I'm really going to need it.
The TV in their room is a great idea. I will ask DH about that. Only problem is they watch tv at a volume the neighbors can hear. They will be staying in my daughters room, she will be sleeping on a blow-up matress in the play room. So their room is in the middle....common wall with ours, common wall with playroom. We have purchased (very expensive I might add) cordless earphones for them to use when watching tv. Both refuse to use them saying it's not comfortable, they don't like it. So the rest of us get to have our eardrums blasted because they watch tv 24/7.
And I LOVE the air freshener through the central air system. FABULOUS! I'm stocking up now.
The marital relationship advice will probably be needed towards the end. My husband is on board with me in how awful his parents are and how miserable it is when they visit. He will complain the whole week, yet if I say too much he gets in defense mode and it causes problems between us. Unless it is something horrifying, which it often is, I have to put on a happy face or we start arguing about everything. I walk a fine line while they are here. I understand they are his parents, I would defend mine too, so I try to hide a lot from him, both to protect him, and to keep us friendly.
The anxiety is better today and the gym is really helping. By the end of their visit I'm going to be ripped!
Preparations start tomorrow. I have to stow away and hide half my house, ALL of my personal belongings, and bring out the linens I use only for them. Can you believe I even have to put the plastic sheet that we used when my daughter was potty training on the bed that my MIL sleeps in? I won't even go into the details of why that is necessary. This year I'm putting a password on my computer. I'll set it up so they can log in only as a guest. They don't need to be going through all my personal files again.
Scarletblue....thank you for the humor. That is what gets me through these visits. Passive-aggressive or not....my MIL is a manipulative, ornery, nice-to-your-face then stab you in the back with a grin, 525 lb. woman. Sometimes it helps me cope to play along with her a little.
Can you believe I even have to put the plastic sheet that we used when my daughter was potty training on the bed that my MIL sleeps in?
I’m a little more worried about the fact that you'll be the one to take off that plastic sheet at the end of their stay!!
Febreeze has even newer stuff out than they did last year. It comes in pink and orange containers, it’s fruity smelling and really works wonders at covering up bad smells with good ones. Oh and Renuzit air fresheners. They’re the gel things, they work on cat odors in my house and if they can work on cat odors they can work on anything.
I'm glad you understood my humor there. Sometimes, it's easier to get through these situations if you try to laugh about them.
Was I serious about the 20 toothbrushes? Of course not, that is assinine. I'm sure after the last visit, getting spare toothbrushes for them was on the top of your "to do" list.
Might I suggest glade airwick fresheners? I have a very large livingroom with 9 foot ceilings and one of them does the job (we have dogs). Plug a couple of those suckers in near the sofa.
My MIL from my first marriage was about the same size as yours. During a visit from her, she actually cracked my toilet seat in half and tried to blame me. She also had her other son come over and re-arrange my livingroom furniture once when I was out.
All kidding aside, hang in there, vent all you need to. In the long run, you will feel much better about yourself for being such a kind hostess.
Kind hostess by butt. I noticed in your other thread that you never said anything to them, but you have to. For example, they are not going to want to stay in the bedroom all day and will still be watching TV in the living room, still falling asleep on the sofa. But she's ruining your sofa even if for a short while. Tell them you don't want anyone sleeping on your sofa, to please stay in the bedroom. Also, tell them the TV gets turned off when daughter or you go to bed. Your household has to get some sleep and so do the neighbors. Or they can use the earphones after a certain hour. You can be nice but that doesn't have to mean allowing them to run over you.
Thanks for the air freshener suggestions. I went and purchased the new pink bottle febreeze, renuzit AND glade air wick. My house will smell like a fruit salad (hopefully!) for a week, but I just really hope it all works. I have a sectional and can actually place the renuzit inside/under the couch where MIL generally sits/lays. Crossing my fingers!
We are not putting a tv in their room. I'm trying to find a way to limit the available volume on the living room tv. Why don't parental controls allow a maximum volume to be set? How fabulous would that be? Online I'm finding volume regulators but it looks like those just even out the volume between channels, programming and commercials. Looks like I'll be seeking help at Radio Shack tomorrow. Regardless....DH said he will insist that they use the headphones when they are watching tv after our daughter goes to bed.
I also bought cheap toothbrushes that I will put in place of mine....they can have at 'em and feel like they're sneaking one over on me...but mine will be locked in my bedroom along with my toothpaste, towel, shower sponge, etc. I don't even dare just move it into my husbands bathroom (our master....I share with our daughter) for fear they might use that bathroom or shower and help themselves!
As for stripping the beds and doing the laundry when they leave...HELL NO...hubby knows that's his job.
It's going to be a long week. But I am so thankful it's only 7 days as opposed to the 4 weeks from last year. I keep trying to tell myself it won't be so bad....maybe they have changed, become better/easier/something. Then I remember that on my husbands last trip to visit them, when he arrived and had to use the bathroom he couldn't. He actually went to the store and purchased cleaning products and had to clean the bathroom before he was able to use it. For this man....that is saying A LOT!
So, there she is beached on the couch. When she lifts her 200 lb leg and lets loose with a blast of methane and sulfuric acid, go in there with the Lysol and give a good, long spray directly on the offending site. Move your arm in a great big circle just to emphasize the scope of the problem. Tell her to raise an arm for a moment and get under there as well.
Another idea, saw halfway through one of the crossbeams in the couch so the first time she crashes, the couch collapses.
You are too accommodating, You should be scheming for next year i.e. make it all as inconvenient and uncomfortable as possible this year so that they avoid coming next year.
You want to see a 525 pounder move in a hurry! There's a gag device I saw for sale once that attaches to a toilet seat. Pressure activated, when someone sits a recorded voice says "hey watch it lady, we're trying to work down here."
Another idea, see if you can purchase about 10,000 red ants and, ... no ..., no, that would be wrong.
DH told me last night as we went to bed that the in-laws have to use MY CAR this week because his mother can no longer get up into his truck. F*CK! F*CK! F*CK!!!!!
Her smell has already permeated the house. I'll have to completely disinfect, deordorize and air out my car too. So far the Renuzit and the Glade AirWick aren't cutting it. I have a large living room with vaulted ceilings and it was awful last night. Once she went to bed the Febreeze really cut it tho....thanks for that info. I'm off to the gym and then to the store for more air fresheners.
Impending Doom! 
), one positive is that I have limited their stay to only one week....7 days....this year. Absolutely no more 3-4 week stays here! We did not go to their house for Thanksgiving as we had been doing (and will not be going this year either). AND...I have sent my husband out, by himself, to visit his family twice in the last year, and both times he made me change his flights so he could come home early.
But I am so thankful it's only 7 days as opposed to the 4 weeks from last year. I keep trying to tell myself it won't be so bad....maybe they have changed, become better/easier/something. Then I remember that on my husbands last trip to visit them, when he arrived and had to use the bathroom he couldn't. He actually went to the store and purchased cleaning products and had to clean the bathroom before he was able to use it. For this man....that is saying A LOT!
