Re: Disappearing woman
It was really hard. In fact, I resisted doing it for 2 years! People at MB kept pushing me to try it, but I was so wrapped up in my self-created self-pity, that I didn't WANT to give him the benefit of the doubt. Why should I? He's a jerk!
At the same time, I was too chicken (and broke) to leave him. So something had to change.
I swallowed my pride. I tried to pay attention - REAL attention to him, what he said, how he acted, how he was hurting...and address those issues. He felt unadmired. So I gave him admiration. He felt ignored. So I paid more attention to him.
The truth is, he was just as miserable as I was - neither of us knew how to deal with things. By my stepping up to the plate, not wanting to, I took a leap of faith.
And it make a HUGE difference, at least in the day to day anxiety and pressure. He DID respond.
In the long run, I DID wait too long. I think 30 years is too long, but it may be different for others. At this stage - and I would never admit this anywhere else - I wish that his plane would crash on his business trips. And I hate myself for thinking it. Because it is I who is too weak - too weak to tell him what I feel, too weak to leave, too weak to walk away when he LBs me - so instead, I just wish he was dead. I have sex because he wants it and because he makes life miserable if he doesn't get it. I have opportunities to tell him the truth, and I don't, because I don't have the energy to spend another 10 hours afterward of him blowing up at me.
That is a HORRIBLE place to be, Abbey, trust me. I hate myself every day for it.
Fix it now. TRY it now; see if it turns your marriage around.