mr2u

My wife calls out in her sleep. She vocalizes whatever dream is going on. Sometimes its very mundane stuff. Frequently she has erotic dreams and calls out the names of men, many of which I know. I asked her if she had a crush on UN-Named and she said no why would you ask that? Because, I said, you called his name out in your sleep and let me tell you it must have been a great dream! At this point her eyes got as big as saucers and I knew I had my answer. I also mentioned a few other names I have heard over the years. I've never brought this up before because it was so awkward. Eventually she admitted to the crush and the previous ones but only after she knew I knew everything. I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to get off her chest. Nope. Makes me wonder what is going on inside of that head that isn't said.

Is it normal for wives to have crushes and saucy dreams of other men?
Should I be worried? If its an involuntary thing I can cope but I feel like she isn't leveling with me completely.

Susan2010

This reminds me of an Elvis Presley song.

Yes, it's normal for people to have a crush on someone else. Or maybe just thinks another person is good looking.

Yes, it's normal for people to have erotic dreams.

Yes, it's normal that your wife has erotic dreams on her crushes. Weird, but apparently normal for your wife and no reason to think it anything but harmless.

We all have dreams from time to time about the people we know - loved ones, friends, acquaintances, crushes, etc. It seems your wife has dreams about all her crushes??? LOL. I only recall once dreaming about a love interest. He was a guy I liked very much and dated 3 times, but it couldn't go any farther. I wished it could but I wouldn't allow it. No idea why I dreamed of him and never anyone else. Maybe I have that in common with your wife in that we both dream of forbidden love.......or something like that. My dream was not erotic at all but I remember liking him in the dream.

mr2u

We've been married 15. Many heartbreaking names have been voiced over the years. The name I'm worried about has been voiced frequently for a good 18 months now. I know the guy and he's innocent enough. But I feel like this nice guy is a threat to us. I have no waking world evidence just masculine intuition.

The credit I give myself...I worry about the power of involuntary attraction and the mysteries of romantic female sexual desires.

greeneyeddolphin

You can't control your dreams. Heck, I once had a dream that I got back together with my ex. That would NEVER happen in a million years, even if you paid me or threatened me with death. She has no control over what she dreams about.

And you can't let dreams damage your relationship. I dreamt the other night that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I could sit here and really work myself up that it could happen, but why? Neither he nor she have ever given me reason to think they would do that, they've only even met once, she's happily married 14 years, and it was just a dream.

Now, if you really feel, even setting aside the dreams, that you have something to be concerned about, then I would suggest you sit down with your wife at some point, preferably in the afternoon or evening and not right after she's had one of those dreams, and just be honest. Tell her you're feeling like there might be a problem and you'd like to discuss it and see if there's anything to worry about, and what you two can do to fix it if there is.

She may or may not be honest, if there is something to worry about. All you can do is watch her body language, her eyes, listen to her tone and trust your gut. But, don't let a dream determine what might or might not be going on.

Crypsys

In dreams our subconcience runs free without control from our conscience mind. I've had dreams ranging from eating my son in a taco to being a serial killer. In my dreams I've had "sex" with countless women, and sometimes ones that make me shudder when I remember my dreams later. I don't dream all of the time, but when I do dream I always remember them, very vividly. Our marriage is one in which we tell each other about those dreams and generally have a good laugh about them. I know my wife had one a few days ago in which she had sex with the walmart greeter guy (he's at least 70).

I think to be upset or get mad at someone because of a dream is a little silly IMO. We can't necessarily control them, and it's under debate if dreams are "wishes" or just random information flooding through the brain to clean it out for the day.

If all you have got to go on is names called out in dreams, you need to take a step back and relax a bit.

posh7

I've had erotic dreams about men who TURN ME OFF in real life. Strange, huh??? So don't get upset. It's just a harmless dream.