he gets mad at me when i get upset.....

WifeSince07 · 07-07-2010, 01:07 PM

My husband and I have been married for three years now. At first things were good. Or so I thought. We have one child. Last year he cheated on me and It still hurts me to this day. I am trying my best to handle it but sometimes things happen that remind me of what happened and all those feelings and all that pain comes back. He gets mad at me when i want to talk about it or when i get upset about it. It has only been a year since it has happened. I feel that i can't talk to him about my feelings because it starts a fight. It's getting to the point where i just don't talk to him and that seems to be driving us apart in my mind but it seems to him that everything is fine! I don't know how to talk to him or what to do.
He tends to get very defensive when i want to talk about it. It's strange to me because he did do something wrong so what is he trying to defend. He has been trying to make up for it but he has made some more mistakes since the cheating. I know marriage is hard but this is really weighing heavy on my soul. any advice?

jessi · 07-07-2010, 01:26 PM

you need to quietly talk to him about what you need to feel good about your relationship and the doubt you now feel because of his choice to go outside the marriage, if he truly wants the marriage to get to a good place then he will have to meet you half way and find a way to communicate any subject matter so both of you are comfortable......get closer with communication and filling each others needs and work hard at just showing each other that they are the most important person.......people make mistakes and as long as they are in a place not to repeat the hurtful things they have done then true forgiveness should happen.....
Your marriage can't be the same don't expect it to be. work on a new couple and a better marriage than before the affair.....
good luck I know it's hard to get past this, but if you are truly wanting to keep your family together....don't hang on to this.....

DawnD · 07-07-2010, 02:00 PM

I am gonna guess that when you are having your down moments, he thinks that you want him to feel guilty about what he has done. And chances are he doesn't want to constantly have to apologize ( or feel that you want that from him) for what has happened. Not saying that is what you are doing, but it might be how he perceives it. So if you feel like you are having a bad day, tell him that. I am having a bad day, I need you to be extra _____ today. Whether it be extra nice, or kiss you more, hug you more, etc. Talk about how you are both doing at meeting each others needs. And if it is something you see that reminds you of the affair, retrain the mind on that one. I still don't like Days Inn ( lol) because it was the motel my H used for his affair. So instead of going oh, thats the place he cheated I say oh, its just a roach motel ( just so I am not thinking the other thing) and I move on. Or I instead just ask about what we should do this weekend as a family.

WifeSince07 · 07-08-2010, 05:51 AM

Thank you so much this is very helpful! The things that have been said I will try to put them into practice! I will keep you posted!