Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?
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Old 07-11-2010, 11:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

Is anyone's SO on here but they don't know their screen name?

I was just curious. Mine doesn't but I don't think that she'd be upset if she found out I was doing something to better myself for us.
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Old 07-11-2010, 11:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

I'd prefer he wasn't on here but it wouldn't altogether surprise me if he was as he's always "pretending" not to look at my computer screen when I know he is (I guess we all do that to some extent don't we !!!).

He may not know my screen name but if he stumbled across some of my threads I guess he'd recognise that it was me. Anyway I trust I've not been in any way disrespectful coz he is, after all, the love of my life but we all have to vent sometimes.

My main concern would be that he might take some things I've said the wrong way but if in doubt I hope he would come to me directly to clarify. Like you, I'm here to better my relatationship for both of us.
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Old 07-11-2010, 12:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

I never really thought about it. I don't think she knows I am on this, but she is on sites that I don't know. I am not hiding it, it is just something I stumbled onto while doing research.

So, she doesn't know but i am not hiding it either.

Cheers
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Old 07-11-2010, 01:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

I told my husband I joined a marriage forum to find advice for our situation.

so I guess he knows!
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Old 07-11-2010, 03:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?



"What are you doing here?"

i think this would be my reaction if my wife wound up here, reading n posting.

W does know i am here, as occasionally she's been around when i'm typing. being somewhat ignorant/naive tho', i'd say
she doesnt fully understand nor appreciates TAM.
perhaps "doesnt care" is an option too.

oh well. 2 left in h.s. tick, tick, tick.
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Old 07-11-2010, 04:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

No and I wouldn't want him to know anyway. He doesn't believe in forums, articles, research, therapy etc. He'd go crazy if he knew and use it against me too.
And he'd rather join a dating site to talk to "someone" instead of finding a forum like this or a therapist. Yeah he said so himself that he only joined because he needed someone to talk to...when I suggested a therapist he said he doesn't need one. I guess that's what the dating websites are for...therapy.
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Old 07-11-2010, 05:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

Yes, my husband knows and it upsets him. He thinks finding strangers to seek relationship advice from is dumb because for some reason unknown to me, he thinks that our marriage is so different from everybody else's that nothing anybody has to say could POSSIBLY be relevant to our situation or help in any way. I wish he would get on here. It might be an eye-opener. I find this marriage forum to be therapeutic since others can relate.
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Old 07-11-2010, 10:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

I don't think my wife knows but she suspects. I've been making adjustments to how I interact with her based on advice from the forum. Yesterday she accused me of being self-help-booky. Before her EA it might have been me mocking her self-help attitude. Things change.

Our marriage counselor knows; he thinks it's great.
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Old 07-11-2010, 11:34 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

Yes, my wife knows and reads the posts. I've been trying to get her to sign up and have her own screenname, but she'd rather just lurk. There were a couple of posts where I ended up getting punched in the arm (in fun). If anything comes up that I find interesting, we usually talk about it. She says I'm the loudmouthed extrovert, so she will just let me do the talking. :-)
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Old 07-12-2010, 03:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

Mine has kind of a double standard about it. She sees a therapist once a month, and has a ladies group she gets together with nearly every week to talk about these kinds of issues, but she does sometimes take offense if I'm discussing problems I haven't worked out with her first. (Online or otherwise). Not that it comes up much, the big issues are things that aren't resolvable, and she is well aware of them.

If you need it, most browsers have a private browsing feature you can access by hitting "control-shift-p", and browsers like Firefox have a handy "delete recent history" option that can clear out 1-8 hours of history if you wish to handle it that way.
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Old 07-12-2010, 05:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Smile Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

Yes, My hubby knows I am registered, knows my nic and that I have been spending time here reading. He is also aware of my original posts. In fact, we both spent about 3 hours on here yesterday, reading, discussing, learning. He thinks it's a fabulous site and is getting so much from all that we read. It's nearly as good as Self Help Books, but these are real life situations, real emotions, real experiences, real stories, not to mention some insightful support, advice and suggestions. He does not feel or believe I am wasting time if I am on here reading, I usually end up discussing with him any posting that caught my attention or touched me in a big way.
This site is becoming an integral part of our progress, growth and deveopment in our Journey towards discovering intimacy, reconnecting and improving our relationship and marraige. It has given us so much to discuss. It has opened our eyes and we have learnt we are not alone and not the only ones experiencing problems. 1-1 counselling is good and we are benefiting from that also, but this site so far has provided so much more. It shows us through others experiences what NOT to do. What can happen "If" such and such happened. We can both see ourselves in many aspects of others stories and situations here. See where WE DON'T want to be. Hubby now knows I am not alone or unreasonable in my requests for intimacy and emotional connection, many here are hurting the same for the lack of. He can see himself in so many ways. He is reading what he can do and why. I too am learning much about patience, understanding, committment, trust, control, self esteem. The reading and time we have spent on here since discovering it less than a week ago has been invaluable and so helpful to us. We are growing together strongly, living and loving and much to the help from this forum.
Being new to the forum, we are struggling trying to work out many of the acronyms. I wondered if there was a section where these might be explained?
MB, BH, YMMV, SAHM and many more. Some have been easy to figure out, others well, I'm a strugglin LOL.

CHEERS Kerolin
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Old 07-12-2010, 08:30 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

55Kerolin if you go to www.urbandictionary.com
You'll be able to use the search function and you'll get answers to all of the acronyms and current slang.

It's interesting to see how so many of us want to learn from the others on the site to improve our relationships but it's so one sided. If your SO doesn't want to do anything or for you to be getting help, it just makes it that much harder.
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Old 07-12-2010, 09:04 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

Yes, my H knows I am on here. He reads what I post and he reads the responses sometimes. He likes that I can talk in here without any of our "in life" friends having to know all of our stuff. I do wish he would come post too, so I can learn more about him. Maybe in time.....
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Old 07-12-2010, 04:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Smile Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmorousWarrior View Post
55Kerolin if you go to Urban Dictionary, July 12: Obsessive Computer Disorder
You'll be able to use the search function and you'll get answers to all of the acronyms and current slang.

CHEERS for the Link Much Appreciated.

It's interesting to see how so many of us want to learn from the others on the site to improve our relationships but it's so one sided. If your SO doesn't want to do anything or for you to be getting help, it just makes it that much harder.
I am over the moon ATM that hubby has embraced this site and the needed changes WE are BOTH working on. It was feeling hopeless and impossible for me One sided. I fail to see how you can or it can work when one sided. But I am also reading and starting to understand that at least if you focus, concentrate and work on at least you, then it can shift the dynamics and give the relationship a chance. Being a better focused you can NEVER hurt.
Reading the stories and people's experiences here, keeps you honest to yourself and your relationship, so you can't slip into denial and the illusional world of "I am ok Mate" It's all you or the rest of the world. (Quoted by hubby) who I am hoping to convince get his own nic and add his own comments.
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Old 07-12-2010, 07:13 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?

My husband knows all about this board - from day one.

I came here to spice up our sex life, we had a few issues over a period of months. He knows FOR ME, writing my feelings/emotions out somewhere, anything I am struggling with, has always helped me gain control over them, give me the focus & peace I need -eventually. He is fine with me coming here as long as it does not cut into our time together. I do it when he is working.

I have shared all of my threads & answers with him. And other stories, he likes listening. He has zero interest in typing on any forums though, I only wish he did.
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