Dont feel strong enough

christine30 · 07-13-2010, 10:53 AM

I have written on previous post before. To make a long story short - At the end of the month, my husband and I will make 1 year. It has been very emotional and stressful moments in our lives since we got back from our honeymoon. He would continuously drink on the weekends, and say disrespectful things about me and about my friends. I have and had been pleading with him to stop because he will loose my love. He has gotten so far as getting a DWI and wasting half of our wedding money on these dumb classes and programs for something that is not helping. He continues to drink and it is so sad to see him look this way. He is not abusive- I just I hate to see the person I love be in this state. He is a caring and kind hearted person, but after all this emotion of us fighting, I honestly do not have the urge to fight for this anymore. There is no mental or physically fire between us, we literally live like Roommates- sad, I know. I did tell him that I am unhappy and I am not ready to bring a child in, if two adults can’t be strong, no sense in bringing a child into this world. I don’t want to cheat, or have wondering eys, for I know that is not the way to make things better.

Basically, I am unhappy, and I don’t want to fight for this marriage anymore, I feel he will not change, and it will reoccur again. I have given him numerous chances; to the point my friends don’t want him around as much. We are both 30 with no kids. What I am afraid of, is facing something that I might regret. His parents will be hurt, and it hurts me to have to put them in this. My mother knows what goes on, and she did ask me to give him a chance, in which I did- but obviously it happened again with his drinking.
But right now at this moment, I just want to be by myself and enjoy myself with no stress and focus on me.

Is this just a phase??

Thanks for reading, and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

DawnD · 07-13-2010, 11:02 AM

In your situation, I see nothing wrong with having a seperation for a set amount of months and meeting back at the end and seeing how both of you feel. You sound like you really need some time to get yourself to a place that you want to be FOR YOU and that is never a bad thing. As long as your husband isn't abusive towards you or making threats, I would see about doing this. Maybe he does need you to leave for him to finally realize what he is losing?? Best of luck honey.

cb45 · 07-13-2010, 12:29 PM

whew! all better now, methinks

like u didnt see the alcohol b4 the wedding day, eh?

1 yr in,

wow.

cb45 · 07-13-2010, 12:32 PM

YouTube - KHHHAAANNN!!!!!

this chant/scream is going to be a "standard issue" around here am afraid to say.

"Khaaaan!"

Mom6547 · 07-13-2010, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christine30

I have written on previous post before. To make a long story short - At the end of the month, my husband and I will make 1 year. It has been very emotional and stressful moments in our lives since we got back from our honeymoon. He would continuously drink on the weekends, and say disrespectful things about me and about my friends.

Did he drink only AFTER the honeymoon?

Quote:

Basically, I am unhappy, and I don’t want to fight for this marriage anymore, I feel he will not change, and it will reoccur again. I have given him numerous chances; to the point my friends don’t want him around as much. We are both 30 with no kids.

No kids. Get out.

Quote:

What I am afraid of, is facing something that I might regret. His parents will be hurt, and it hurts me to have to put them in this. My mother knows what goes on, and she did ask me to give him a chance, in which I did- but obviously it happened again with his drinking.

As a grown up, you do what you MUST do. If your parents are bummed out, they will get over it. Seriously. Do not waste any more of your life on an alcoholic in order to please your parents.

christine30 · 07-13-2010, 01:26 PM

no he use to drink before, but I thought and believed he would change. After our honeymoon - it went downhill from there with his drinking. So yes, it was my fault but as they say " love is blind"
I felt that I care enough for him, and that if he loved me enough as welll - he would change.

Chet8625 · 07-13-2010, 01:33 PM

I'm late to this discussion but maybe what I say will help others.

I have a friend who could tell your story, except she has been married for 25 years. Is this what you want? For 25 years?

if you can't get him to a marriage counselor, go to one yourself to (a) learn how to deal with it or (b) get the strength to move on with your life.

Susan2010 · 07-13-2010, 09:14 PM

Marriage counseling couldn't help you in this respect. Al anon is the organization for people whose lives are affected by an alcoholic. Call them to see what they have to offer to help you understand and cope and possibly help you with your husband.

Save yourself some heartache though. His drinking is not about you and has nothing to do with you. Therefore, his love for you cannot make him stop drinking and that he does not stop, doesn't mean he does not love you. So, don't turn this into being about yourself. That will only bring you pain, cannot help you, and cannot help him. Call Al anon. They are very helpful with people like yourself in your position.

cb45 · 07-13-2010, 10:29 PM

good sobering post chet.
neat clean and straight to the pt.

i think this post needs moving over to Rels and Addiction forum tho' as some may be more like me and have to resist saying.....

when facing little reasoning skills. IMO of course.