sadAFTER34

Before I got married 30 years ago...I lived with my spouse for 4 years. I almost left him...when i was doing laundry and clearing his pockets...I found MANY porn movie theater stubs.

I was SO upset and when he got home, I threw them at him and told him I was leaving and he could have that smut.

He begged and pleaded and PROMISED he would NOT do it anymore.

Well, I was on his computer and looking for a business site that he had been raving about...I couldn't remember the name.

I was horrified when I saw ALL the pron sites come up in history and cookies. Some of the cookies date back to 2000 and show he was even ON today.

I haven't gotten any for 2 months...so I am wondering...is this an indication of porn, an affair, or something else? He is 60 but for the past 2 years I practically have to beg to get some.

He recently spoke about separating, too...but claims he does not want a divorce.

I am stumped...anyone else ever deal with this kind of issue?

sadAFTER34

greeneyeddolphin

I think, to really know what this means, you have to talk to him. Porn is different in each relationship, even among the same people. When I was married to my first husband, porn was an evil horrible thing. He was a cheater and a liar and porn was just another thing that affected my self esteem because of all the other things in our relationship. However, with my boyfriend, I would enjoy watching it with him every now and then. It would be something fun and different to do, and I know that he loves me and wants me and have no doubts about his feelings for me.

Now...you did make it pretty darn clear, all those years ago, that porn was an issue for you. So, I feel this is, at the very least, an issue of disrespect. If your romantic partner has told you something is an issue for them, then part of loving them and committing to them is either compromising on that situation or avoiding it altogether. Since I see nothing in your words about a compromise being agreed upon, or even having been an option, I have to assume he agreed to leave porn alone. So that means that he is disrespecting you by looking at it now.

What it really boils down to, though, is that you need to talk to him. To know why he is doing it, aside from just being thoughtless about how you'd feel, but the reasons why he is doing it (is it to get off, is it a specific act, does he have ED?), you need to talk to him. He's the only one that can answer that. As for whether or not it indicates an affair...honestly, no clue. I would be inclined to think if he were cheating, he wouldn't be looking at porn, but then again, I'm not a guy, so I don't know.