manictaz

I'm sorry if this is long. My husband and I have been together 4 1/2 years, married for 3. We got married when I was 18 because I fell pregnant and both families insisted but we were reasonably happy and went on to have another daughter.

About 18 months ago he lost his job, he hid it from me and we became further and further in debt without me realising untill we became homeless while i was 6 months pregnant and with a toddler. His family bailed us out and found us a house, he now has another job and we are again stable.

The problem is, I think I hate him. He has always been bad with money and hidden debts but now I cant sleep for worrying if we will end up homeless again. Everything comes back to money, I have to ask for everything, he does the shopping, pays bills and all i get is pocket money. Which means he has to have every detail of where I'm going and who I'm going with. I cant even take the children out on the spur of the moment because I dont have my own money. He calls me 5 times a day to check where I am and what I'm doing and about 2 months ago I found letters from creditors taking him to court, again I had to ask his mum to pay them off.

We talk and he keeps saying he will do anything to make it work, but nothing changes. We haven't had sex in months because I cant stand him touching me, everything he does annoys me and everything he says upsets me. It's at the point that I just want him to leave. But at the same time I dont want to have worked at this marriage for 3 years for nothing.

Is this all me, am I so emotional about it that it's skewing my judgement? Should I just work through it?

T

zeen

You need soem space. I mean take a break. Stay away from him for a while. Get soem prespective. And once u feel a little more stable, get soem marriage counselling. And even if counselling doesnt work, u can think of extreme actions.

There are people who end amrraiges after 14 years and more too. 3years isnt tat long, i mean if it really comes down to you having ot do that.
GOd bless!

Russell2

From someone who has been accused of being "controlling".....He is being controlling. He seems to have jealousy issues. Most men do deep down. Some deal with it better than others. This is a very common relationship scenario. You are completely dependent on him, it seems, for support. Help him trust you, but try to be more independent. If you can, get a part time job - help with the bills etc. He will see you care. As long as you talk and build trust he will hopefully come around. Some men never do, and you need to become independent anyway so YOU have a choice.

manictaz

We discussed a part time job when my dad offered me one but it caused huge arguments and he felt it was a slur on him not being able to provide for his family so it was easier just to forget about it. He's also been putting off insuring me on the car for a year (he has a work van so the car just sits on the drive all day) which is very restricting as we live in a tiny village with pretty much non-existent public transport.

He is convinced that money solves everything and all it will take is more dresses or flowers and I'll love him again. I dont know how to explain that it doesn't work and just makes me more worried about money.

I should explain that he is from a very wealthy family who have always bailed him out, so I dont think he realises the value of money.