I have been in relationship for 10 years. I love him Dearly , but at the begining of our relationship he cheated on me in a really bad way, i mean the word "cheat" is already bad , but this was top shelf cheating. By this time we had been together for 1-2 years. He was working at this telecommunications office and there he meet a female who looked nothing like me- in fact he must have been on drugs because at that time is was younger than 18 and a little hottie- i was thin , young, all about him and she was 5 times bigger than me and i mean in width. Anyways to make a long story short, he cheated on me with her and this had been happening for about a year. She claimed to want to be my friend when all the while she was a fraud.At this point he wouldn't call me , he would disappear without contacting me, he was living with his mom at the time, he wouldn't show up at home . If i hadn't tried to contact him our relationship would have mysteriously ended. So at this point i am constantly looking for him, just showing up at his job right before he finished work. Finally something happened to me physically that had never happened because i had been with one person and one person only, so at that point i knew something wasn't right. I asked him and just the look in his eyes told me what he had done. Of course things ended between us for a short period of time(note- when we meet i was 15 he was 17. Now i am 25- he is 27, sure we have had our ons and off in a non cheating manner).
For some reason this keeps haunting me, us and i feel it is destroying our relationship which is the last thing i want to happen. I am always feeling like he is doing something to purposely hurt me or i feel like he is cheating on me-when i know he is not. He has changed i know it .
Am i crazy, mental, loopy?
How do i shake this?
Trust, Confusion.
