My husband's ex-girlfriend and my SIL. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-20-2010, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
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My husband's ex-girlfriend and my SIL.

I am new here and I've been looking for a place to kind of vent about the problem that I'm having and see if anyone else has had to deal with anything like this.
First off, I am a young mother and wife. I have been with my husband for a little over 5 years now and we have 2 children together. Our marriage has had its ups and downs, but we are in a good place right now, and we don't really argue about anything...except his ex-girlfriend and his sister.
The problem is that his ex has suddenly within the last year decided that she wants to be friends with his sister. (His sister is 15 by the way.) It's not really the friendship that I have a problem with, I don't say anything about it to my sister in law...just my husband, and he thinks I'm worried over it too much. I just can't help it though, this girl has done all sorts of crazy things from the very start of our relationship and I feel like she's just being friends with his sister to maybe see him, or just to hear about him and his life and our problems.
When I found out I was pregnant with our first child this girl went around saying she was pregnant too, she called my mother and told her all kinds of crazy things. When she told my husband she was pregnant (he knew she wasn't) he told her he was not going to leave me to be with her and about a week after that she 'lost the baby' and went with her mother and took a 50-B out on him (the judge basically laughed in their faces when it was time for them to go to court, we were teenagers after all). After that she told him she was raped, he still didn't pay her any mind. When that didn't work she told him her grandfather died...He really didn't. She used to come by my workplace and then later call me and say that she saw I was at work earlier. Finally things calmed down as I got along with my pregnancy, and then one day she called my mother and said that she had been invited by my husband's mother to my baby shower. She somehow got my husband's new cell phone number and started calling it at random times every day. I have always just ignored her.
Everything calmed down for awhile, she ended up having a child with her boyfriend and I thought maybe that would be the end of all of the craziness. I was wrong. She suddenly decides that her boyfriend is no good and that's when she started hanging out with my sister in law. I didn't care about it at first, even though his sister told him 'I think she still likes you'...I just laughed it off as usual. And then we hit a rough patch in our marriage and decided to do a trial separation. We were friendly the whole time we were separated and we didn't see other people. We were only separated for maybe 2 months. However, a few weeks into our separation his ex showed up at his workplace with her child and asked if we planned to get back together and when he told her we were she asked 'Why?' and said 'If you think you guys are going to work it out then I guess I won't waste my time.' When he told me she did this I was stuck between being angry and amused because I know perfectly well even if we didn't work things out he wouldn't go back to her, but I thought it was totally disrespectful of her. After he shot her down she went and messaged his sister via myspace (she had no phone) to tell my husband to leave her alone even though she was the one who tried to reconnect with him.
After all of this I just find it very hurtful that my sister in law would bring her around after all of the things that she has pulled on me and my husband. My husband has explained all of this to her, and I understand that she's 15 and also free to do what she wants, but my family would never do anything like that to my husband. I feel silly getting so worked up over this, but I can't help it because it's just the way I feel. So, I came here to vent someplace besides to my husband. I would really appreciate any advice or opinions, even if you just want to tell me I'm making this into a bigger deal than it is.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-20-2010, 10:09 PM
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Re: My husband's ex-girlfriend and my SIL.

Maybe you and your husband should think about legal action, like a restraining order. She sounds like a nut, who knows when it might escalate, better safe than sorry. She has no business being around or calling either one of you anyway.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-21-2010, 05:46 AM
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Re: My husband's ex-girlfriend and my SIL.

I looks like your H does not want anything to do with her, for your and his peace of mind the post above is an option.

At the end of the day its the strength of your relationship with your H that counts, this girl and your sister in law's behaviours should not affect you, as a couple both of you can choose to reduce contact with the sister in law untill this blows over.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-21-2010, 07:10 AM
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Re: My husband's ex-girlfriend and my SIL.

I see this two ways:

If you're so confident he'd never go back to her and that nothing would/is happening, then just ignore her as you've been doing. Let her expend her energy like that if she wants to, and just focus on your life.


Like someone above suggested, get a restraining order. It sounds to me like what she's doing could qualify as harrassment. If she violates the restraining order, she goes to jail. I would think it would only take going to jail once or twice for her to decide that this petty crap isn't worth it anymore.

As for the sister in law, she's 15. I imagine, to her, this is all very funny. Think about it, at 15, that's when if it doesn't directly affect you, you just don't care. That's the age where kids are cruel and think things are funny that we as adults know are not. And unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to change that. If you think that the ex is hanging around to try to find out your problems, just make sure that you and your hubby keep any problems you have between the two of you. If you need a sounding board outside of each other, talk to someone who doesn't know the ex and make sure they know that this is in confidence and not to tell anyone else. Or come on here and vent; you have a user name but it's essentially anonymous as long as you limit the info you put in your profile and don't use any names.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-21-2010, 07:58 AM
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Re: My husband's ex-girlfriend and my SIL.

The ex is obviously looking for another way to get back with your husband, and it's through his sister.

no doubt, the ex is saying nice things to his sister, being friendly, etc... so his sister doesn't see the real threat that the ex can be.

You can't tell her not to associate with the ex, but maybe a long heart-to-heart with her explaining all the things the ex has done might shed some light with the sister.

Remember, you can't tell a 15-year old anything. but if they figure it out for themselves you will be OK.

Also remember, if you win with the sister, the ex will start another approach.
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