Condensed version of I dont want it to be over

JMak00 · 07-29-2010, 06:50 PM

So how do I deal with, address, accept my wife's statement during counseling that while she loves me, she's not in love with me. I don't understand what that means.

It came up as she was talking about having no to little hope about our marriage working.

She maintains that she should have ended this long ago but stayed because she didn't want to hurt me.

Any insight, advice? TIA!
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turnera · 07-29-2010, 07:04 PM

Usually that means - the ILYBINILWY speech - that she has feelings for another man. Look up 'surviving an affair.'

JMak00 · 07-30-2010, 05:57 PM

So my wife and I just had a rough conversation via text. I texted her this morning, "Hey! How are ya? Y'all out and about?" She didn't reply for three house and when she did she had a three word reply about where they went. And then followed up with "Do you really want to know how I am??????" I said yeah, I do. Cuz I care for you and I'm being thoughtful. She replied, "Don't". So I asked her what happened and she responded that she's where she was last week in counseling...she doesn't want to be married to me, she doesn't believe what I tell her, and her love bank is out of order. (I described LBs and the Love Bank to her last night)

She further said If I stay it will be only for the boys and that leaves the door open for a lot of 'not so good stuff' and then said you never seem to hear me when I say I don't want this relationship...not in the past and not now...what will it take to make you understand.

I replied that I don't want this kind of marriage, either. I want a different marriage. That's why I started therapy. That's why, I think, you stayed all this time. We both wanted something different. We both hoped it could change. We didn't have a plan. We didn't know what each other wanted or needed. And we both kept doing things that led to losing our love for one another. We have been in love. Together and in love.

She responded, We've waited too long. I've checked out. And then said No I don't, stop which I think was responding to my comment about her still having love for me.

So much for asking her tonight to sit down and consider reading some marriage builder stuff and maybe look at the questionnaires.
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JMak00 · 08-02-2010, 03:10 PM

So I am wondering if it would be okay to contact one of her sisters who just went through a divorce. Her husband unexpectedly left her one day and she tried to get them both into MC. I want to reach out to her to talk about my wife and I, the changes I have been making and continue to make...that I am a husband willing to work for this marriage. Would it be inappropriate to contact her sister?
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Chris Taylor · 08-02-2010, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JMak00

So I am wondering if it would be okay to contact one of her sisters who just went through a divorce. Her husband unexpectedly left her one day and she tried to get them both into MC. I want to reach out to her to talk about my wife and I, the changes I have been making and continue to make...that I am a husband willing to work for this marriage. Would it be inappropriate to contact her sister?
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Not sure of the history but my gut reaction is that sharing your marital problems with ANYONE ELSE except your wife without her consent would just be trouble.

But then again, you're already in a world of trouble. How much more can she want out of the marriage if you did contact her sister???

Knock yourself out.

turnera · 08-03-2010, 10:34 AM

By all means call her sister.