07-27-2010, 04:31 PM
Join Date: Jul 2010
| | What to do now after he has EA and now filed for divorce?
My husband and I have been married 18 years. He is military and returned from Afghanistan in Mar 09. We had some big problems when he was there and although he promised to get us into counseling upon his return it never happened.
Jump forward to present. A few months ago I noticed him cutting himself off from me. If I went and sat with him in the front room, he would go to the back room, and vice versa. I noticed that he was on the computer more and was keeping his phone on him 24/7. On our 18th anniversary I caught him on the side of the house on his phone. I comfronted him, asked him if there was someone else. He said "no" but told me he no longer wanted to be married and that he didn't care about me. He told me he was unhappy for a long time. When I asked him why he never told me, all I got was a shoulder shrug.
That very night, I caught him checking his cell phone in the middle of the night. I checked the phone records the next day and found that he called/texted this phone number almost 4,000 times over a two month period (when I look back on it, the same time he started to pull away). I found out that he had been speaking to an old neighbor from when he was growing up. She is also married and has a child. He said she was "just a friend" and that he would end the relationship. I got blamed for all the problems he says we had and got blamed for over reacting. I checked his FB page and saw posts where he said "he was the happiest he has been in his life," "that looking at the past was painful, the future scary, but next to him was his best friend."
When I found out about the EA, I asked him to go to counseling so that we could get past this. He refused. He gave me mixed signals for the next week by going out with me, holding hands, and having sex. Little did I know, but during that time, he had already filed for divorce. I was served a few days later.
He is determined to get out of the marriage, quickly. He filed for sole custody of the kids, the house, no spousal support (even though I have been a SAHM for 16 yrs). He was only willing to give me most of the furniture/decor and half of his military retirement (which won't happen until next year). I am also in the middle of medical treatment for injuries sustained in a car accident last OCt and will lose my medical coverage when the divorce is final.
The phone calls/texts ended but he was still sneaking around on the computer and I know he has G-mail that he uses. She has not filed for divorce from her husband.
I am so stressed from having him in the house sneaking around to talk to her. He thinks I am going to lie down and let him get over on me, and I am not. I have myself and my children to think about. Our arguing is starting to escalate and we still have 5 weeks to our court date.
I don't know what to do anymore. I was trying to be nice to him for the sake of the kids but it is getting harder and harder each day.