mrsallen1

I am recently married.. very very recent. My husband I are very young. I am 20 and he is 21. We were best friends throughout high school and breifly dated. After high school he disappered with a girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. Just recently came back into my life and we married. I love him with all my heart and am trying to make things work with us. I recently found an email one of his ex sent him. Mind you he cheated on his ex of 2 1/2 years with this girl. I wrote her back saying it was me and told her not to contact my husband anymore after that my husband changed his email and his password and wont let me know what it is. I dont understand why he would do that when it was never an issue before. He tells me that i shouldnt worry that im crazy and nothing is going on... well if nothing is going on than why would he change his password so quickly ? I also feel like he is falling out of love with me everyday. I try to talk to him about it and he says he still loves me. But honestly this is eating me up inside and i have no idea what to do.
Please someone help me !

tater03

Trust is the hardest thing to get back. I wish I had the answer for you but I just don't. Time is the only thing that brings back trust. But I would have to agree that if he is not hiding anything then he should really have no reason to let you into his email.

trick-r-treat

Well, it was her writing to him and not the other way around, so that's a good thing!

katharina

I think I'd want to add here that time can probably bring back trust, but only if the other person is trustworthy. It shows really fast whether they are or not. And I agree that I'd worry about the email thing, too.

jen0519

He definatley should not have changed his e-mail. That shows that he is hiding something from you. Maybe he is talking with this girl, maybe not. But you have to understand that ex-girlfriends are going to call. It happens. And you have to understand that maybe he had a friendship with this girl that went beyond their relationship. Maybe he thinks that you could not understand this. You have to be open and honest in any relationship for trust to build. And he cannot expect you to trust him if he isn't holding up his end of the deal. But you have to be understanding of the truth when he does open up. If he is talking with her in e-mails(and its not a sexual type of thing) you should be respectful of his friendships. This has happened with my husband and I on both of our parts. An ex-boyfriend of mine was having a baby with his new girlfriend. I went to the hospital to see them. I didn't tell my husband I was going before so when he found out he was a little upset. I just thought that it wasn't that big of a deal. His new girlfriend was there the whole time and it has been 6 years since i was with him. On the other hand, he got a letter from his ex-girlfriend that had her phone number in it. I found it in his truck. A few weeks later I found a text message on his phone from her saying "are we going to keep in touch or can you not because of your wife?" I talked to him about it and he said that she was just a friend and that there were no feelings for her on his part. I was okay with it until she started calling and texting him in the middle of the night. I finally answered the phone and let her know that I felt it was very disrespectful of her to try and keep something going with him when she knew he was married. It turned into an all out fight over the phone, but the next day i told my husband about it and he called her and told her to not call him again. My point is that you need to let him make his own decisions. If he really wants to have some kind of friendship with her you need to let him. Now if its more than a friendship you need to figure it out. He will make his own decision. And you can only hope that he won't stray from the marriage. If he really loves you, he won't. And if he does, you are better finding out about this now than in 5 or 10 years when you have children and have built a life together.

wjmay

---removed---

Jessica

This is almost like my situation except I had not married yet and he actually had an affair on me. Its all recent to me so I really dont have any advie either I am crushed. I want so badly to be with him. But at least I can tell you that it could be worse you just have to talk it all out. Honesty is the best policy.

ljtseng

i found some inappropriate email on my husbands computer and wrote the sender, too. My counselor told me i was wrong for doing that, that i was being controlling. male ego's are very fragile. he may have changed his email because he felt he was being controlled. i know my husband did.

i dont trust my husband but i dont snoop around in his email anymore. and i dont try and control his environment. if i feel like something is going on, i ask him about it. do i trust him to tell me? no, not really. but i can usually tell if he's emotionally distant, easily angered, and then i'll know something's up.

I apologized to my husband for trying to control him. My apology doesnt excuse what he did, but i have to be accountable for my own actions too.

Triton

Who does he come home too ? You
As long as, he does not change his routine -then everything should be ok. Trust him