07-29-2010, 09:09 AM
Join Date: Jul 2010
| | Should mind my own business?
Background: My partners daughter (15) at the start of the year whilst on holiday felt very uncomfortable as a family friend (22) 'came onto her' very strongly and frightened her, She chose not to tell her Dad until after the holiday was over and even then she didnt say but instead told my oldest daughter who then told him.We had not seen the friend again until last weekend at my partners sister house who happens to be very good friends with this man and holds him in very high regards somtimes even over her own son's as he 'talks' the same language as her and she feels he relates to her. She is in a very happy relationship with her partner and this friendship is more like a mother and son with the friend.
Situation:My partner rightly or wrongly decided that the party would be a good time to have it out with him. As it was he was not going to see this guy again after that night as he was moving away on the monday. The converstaion took place behind closed doors and un beknown to anyone else.I could see them thorough the window from the garden and it all looked very civilised and after the telling off they both joined everyone else in the garden as normal and the night carried on with nobody else aware of what had just happened. I dare say my partner chose some strong words and threw some threats if it ever happened again. I should point out that my partner is not known for his mild manner when he has had one too many and has in the past been known to be verbally agressive although not to me but his sister assures me that she has seen him in action in his younger day (i met him 6 years ago he's now 46) and I too have seen him being agressive and told him it was either me or the drink at one point at which time he went for councilling for his agression which only rears it's head with alcohol. On that particular night he was not drunk and had spent most of the night with me in a very lite mood believe me when he's wrong i'm at the front of the queue to point it out but likewise when I think he has a point I'll also say so, but give a dog a bad name and it was hardly surprising that his sister reacted as she has given his history.
outcome: Carnage!! Is sister went absoultley mental with him and agreed that as a father he had to say somthing but did it have to be that night in her house. The story had grown a few arms and legs of course as she did not see any of it but now the family is being torn apart and my partner feels awful and yet torn between doing what a father should and agreeing that he did it wrong. His brother is trying to be the peace maker but has just made things worse and her partner is sitting on the fence. His sister has been vying for my partner for somtime as she has a great deal of anger towards him for things that have happened over the years that she can't let go of and this time now that she has a personal reason she is giving him both barrels.
Dilema: What do I do?Sit back and hope it sorts itself out as her partner seems to be doing? If I defend him in any way to her then I'll get the same treatment and we'll end up falling out but at the same time she won't discuss it with my partner as she does not want him to justify his actions. As it is since it kicked off I have not spoken to any of the family for fear of offending someone. The falling out has affected my partner's mood as he's now gone quiet and thoughtful although still very loving to me and the kids. His concentration is poor and he is feeling guilty as hell.
I shoud also point out that the reason we went on holiday in the 1st place was to take my partners daughter on a break as her step father had been exposed to having cameras set up in the shower etc in order to film her showering etc.and at the time my partner felt he had let her down in some way and felt very guilty.