Re: Married but I have a major crush
Hi, I'm so glad someone is going through exactly the same as me in every way!
Also a work situation which started I think a year ago. My marriage has been on the rocks for a couple of years(the same as you, married very young, and thought I was in love ) and a guy at work started paying me attention.
The odd brush of the arm, eye contact, etc. I started looking forward to work even more than i had done before. It wasn't until a few months ago though that I noticed he wasn't taking his eyes off me, at all! I already had a crush on him, and so my feelings for him went haywire. I started thinking that he really had it bad for me too, after all he was always in the same space as me even when he had no need. He blushed scarlet when I entered the room, and made an big effort to build up a rapport and strong connection between us. He became territorial over me, and it felt fantastic.
I did also notice that he flirted with another woman at work, and told myself it was an attempt to make me jealous and it did.
It also got her a massive crush on this guy as well!
None of us ever said anything and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife, and this went on for weeks.
By this time I was feeling sick when going to work with nerves,and was agonising wether or not to let him know how I felt.
I agonised wether to tell him of my feelings until I could stand it no longer.
I did, in the end, let him know that I liked him but did not mention any future possibilities. I thought it would all stop and he would back off and that would be that.
I was wrong! from the next time I saw him, he pursued me even more, was more blatant about it, but never said a word to me about any of it but did not seem to mind if anyone else noticed!
He followed me around but still never said anything about it!
The staring actually began to feel like stalking it was so intense.
When we were alone together we would both just make small talk, and I longed for him to say something nice to me about it, he never did.
I broached the subject again very subtly and all I learned was that he does not know if he would have an affair, and he may decide to discuss it sometime. In other words, "don't stop hoping because I like the attention"
I kept making excuses to myself for his silence, such as, he's afraid of rejection, he feels intimidated by me, he can't be unfaithful to his wife, but I know he really wants me, any excuse to make me feel better, but deep down none of them did. I knew, deep down, that he did not want to take it further, if he did he would have said something, anything, but he has not!!
From that exact moment I knew I had been taken for a ride by an attention seeker but I still could not let go of this infatuation!!!
Don't get me wrong, I know he has had a crush on me, no-one can fake blushes like that or make their pupils dilate like saucers!
He still watches me constantly, makes eye contact, but all for his own attention,.
The only one of us to gain from this is him, I have boosted his ego in a massive way, and as soon as someone new comes into view, he starts the same thing with them, he is already doing it with another lady in my presence.
In other words, I mean nothing to him, i can't actually beleive I would have risked my marriage for him, even though I knew he was a huge flirt.
I still have it for him, why? because it made me feel good for such a long time.
What I could not see was how I would be feeling last week, yesterday, today and tomorrow
I am still going through this every day at work, and I am feeling sick with myself for admitting my feelings.
Please do not let this guy know you have feelings for him, it may lead to an affair, but that is all it would be.
Do not do like I did, wait, wait ,wait, if he really feels anything for you, he will tell you!!!!!