08-01-2010, 12:31 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
| | husband just told me he's unhappy... what now?
i don't know where else to turn to, so hopefully i'll find some solace here.
my husband and i have been married for a year and a half, and are 3/4 of the way through a year long teaching contract in asia. things have been a little strained for a while. i just thought that it was because we were so far away from home and our normal lives, but i think there might be something more.
we have met many people while living here, but none like 'jane'. my husband and 'jane' hit it off right away because they share many common interests, and she wanted him to teach her skills to help her improve (this is photography, btw). ever since then, we hang out every weekend, sometimes during the week, and i've been getting very jealous because he shows her far more attention then he shows me. we've talked about this a lot, and every time we talk about it he says i'm crazy, and that i don't trust him. i do, that's not the issue, i just get jealous with the attention he bestows upon her.
this weekend was the straw that broke the camel's back. we all hung out all weekend (with other friends, not just the three of us) and all he did was talk to her. i confronted him tonight, and after i told him that they were flirting together, i asked him if he was uphappy, and he said yes. now, in 6 years of us being together, i've seen my husband cry twice. tonight, he almost came to tears.
he says it's not because of her. he says it might be because of us being in asia, but he wasn't sure. every time i asked him what was wrong, he said 'i don't know'. during our conversation, that was the majority of his responses to my questions.
one good thing about 'jane' is that she is leaving to go back to her own country in a month. she's a sweet girl, and it's hard not to hang out with her because she's part of our circle of friends, and my husband and her share so much artistic aspirations in common, so we have to hang out. but her home country is about as far away from asia as possible, and as far away from our home country as possible.
could it be because of her? he said that he would tell me he was interested in another woman before he would act on his feelings, but i've been cheated on before (not by him, but two other guys who i was serious with before him) so i've been hurt deeply before.
could it be because of me? i've gained some weight over the past months being here (when i teach so many hours i tend to be far too exhausted to work out like i was before we moved here). i plan on working out and losing this weight, in hopes that he'll renew his affection for me.
i plan on a) not nagging him to tell me what's wrong, b) doting on him and making him feel as loved as possible, c) planning outings and trips for just the two of us, and d) let him work out his feelings. what else can i do?
i wish i knew what to do, where to put the bandage to heal his wounds, what the next steps are.