My husband is adamant about the fact that there's no way to bring it back and we'd better just quit now while we're ahead. He says that there's no point to try to make it work because we would be just continuing to "live a lie."
It is what he is saying right here that is So disheartening. I DO believe IF your husband shared your determination, your mindset, your belief in the Rekindling, then YES, it could be brought back. But this is NOT where he is at. No amount of faith on your part can give him this , he has to come to this belief on his own & willingly act on it -to bring it forth. He is not a willing participant at this point.
It sounds like YOU still love him (why you are so willing to do anything to get back to where you were) , and you said he still says he loves you many times, but at the same time he says " we have been living a lie this whole time (4 years together, one year married)
Why does he say this? This statement would put a cloud directly over what you felt was the "perfect relationship". Many people throw around the LOVE word, I have even accused my husband of loving me like his mother sometimes when I was upset -thinking he lacked desire for me. (silly example but all I can think of at the moment). ..... He can still "LOVE" you in the sense he does not want to hurt you, Or does he mean the "sexual attraction kind of love", that he still feels this, just that it is TOO late, he has set this in his mind and is now being unbending.
It sounds like YOU feel that travels, Grad school, time apart , and sweeping things under the rug (Lack of communication) is what contributed to this breakdown -which makes alot of sense, many relationships wouldn't survive that ! But what does HE feel did this? Have the 2 of you at least had a looonnggng heart to heart about what HIS
reasons are? Maybe personality differences, different interests, etc. IF his Resons are the same as yours/on the same page, he just needs a new mindset to change his beliefs in how Real LOVE works. It can ebb & flow and again be Revived if given the proper nurishment, time, affection, sex & of coarse honest heartfelt communication (always).
BUt on the other hand, some men just can't be totally honest with women, they must
spare their feelings, feeling this is better than telling the raw honest truth, and sometimes this hurts even worse. And it leaves so many women hanging , hoping.