Help me! My husband is a baby.......
Okay, seriously, I don't know how to deal with this. When I first met my husband 8 yrs ago. He was hardwoking, determined and competitive. I had two small children from my previous marriage. We now have two more. So four total, ages 14-4.
Here is the problem: He has a job that he has been at for 20 years. No where he would go could match his salary. He has very good benefits. Esepcially disibility. Over the last few years, I've noticed his drive at work has changed dramatically. He has no desire for quailty work anymore. Both at home and on his job. This man gets a paper cut and complains about it for days saying how "deep" it is and how bad it hurts. In the past, I've never babied him. (Although he is an only child and his mom does that often!) In the past he had a vasectomy and was out of work for two months. (Disibility leave) and now has twisted his knew, and took off for almost a month! I've told him kindly that he exaggerates the pain and how much of a burden he puts on the family when he does that. He's become very lazy and all he wants to do is sit in his recliner and watch TV. We have four small children, a large house and I have a daycare during the day. (I have a finished basement with a kitchen, so we are all downstairs) He does take zoloft for depression. He is diabetic, however, that is under control. He does have high blood pressure and takes meds for that too. I cook three meals a day, take care of our kids, plus four more. Make sure laundry is done, the house is clean. But have recently had to pick up yard work and all his chores too. It makes me so upset and angry when I see him sit there and do nothing. When I see him get up and think I'm not looking without his limp, I get so furious!
His doctor told him his knee is just a little arthritis, and has given him the strongest meds he can. But he insists it still hurts, and demands restrictions from the doctor so he don't have to work. Monday night the disibilty center from his work called and told him that he had to return to work on Tues, that they were making his boss find him light duty. He was pissed! So, yesterday he called the doctors office, left a message and told them that "his work was making him do something he was not supposed to be doing" and then told them to call me. When the lady from the doctors office called, I was furious. "I told her I didn't know what he was talking about, that he was on light duty and his restrictions were just that he couldn't walk up steps or ladders and his boss made sure he won't have to" I then told her that my husband would need to take care of this and talk to the doctor when he came in today for his appointment. I called my husband and asked him why he lied and why he had her call me. He then got mad and said "I guess I'll just have to suck it up and work" I told him maybe it was time to find a new job if he was making excuses to get out of work so much...and that if it bothered him with me working from home in daycare that I would get a job outside the home as well.
I feel like sometimes I'm being selfish. But I just can't deal with this behavior anymore. I am constantly taking care of kids, and he is acting like another one. I can not continue to pull his weight around the house while he does nothing.
Here is the real kicker though. Last week, I was hospitalized with what they thought was a bleed on my brain. Airlifted to a larger facility. I just got a diagnosis of MS. I am constantly dizzy and have constant headaches. I don't complain though. If I can, I keep going. At night when I just want to cry knowing I have to get up and do it all over again in the morningh. And there has been plenty of times I do. I just wanna scream at him and tell him to be a man! I've all but done that. I've had several serious conversations with him on how he is acting. Last night, I could of packed up the kids and walked out the door. I try not to make comments about my health to him, but I did. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him. I told him at that moment I was so dizzy I was about to pass out and I just needed to close my eyes. He then proceeded to tell me "I didnt' say anything about it, but I was so dizzy and my stomach hurt earlier today".
If I have a headache, his is worse, if I am dizzy, he is too. Etc, etc,.... So I just don't say anthing anymore. I deal with this disease on my own....I feel like a single mother trying to hold the fort together. I just can't emotionally or physically do it anymore. I start IV infusions next week for my MS and I'm scared to death of how I'm going to feel afterwards. Who is going to take care of the kids, the house.......
Someone please help me. I'm so tired of being his support and soft landing place all the time. I just can't take care of another baby anymore. He's done NO research on MS, and has NO idea the list of complications I struggle with DAILY! And I'm not letting him walk all over me. I have a solid self esteem. I'm just trying to be a good wife and do the right things for my family. I DO talk to him about how I feel about the burdens he has placed on me and our family by always being in "pain" and complaining about everything.
He is one of the most selfish people I've ever met in my life. He hides food from the kid, sex is selfish, his complaining, his time, etc,...... I know some of this probably comes with being an only child and his mom doing everthing for him..... But I'm tired of it all.
Someone please give me some advice here................ Please, I'm desperate! Would love to hear from men here too. Tell me how I need to word this to him. Because he's not getting the 'round about' approach'!