I am scared that I can't give her what she needs financially. I make good money but not enough for us to live on our own. He would never hurt my daughter or me physically. I would have been gone the first time. I am just scared to deal with the whole thing. Telling her and explaining the whole deal will kill her. I know it gets better but that first leap is a killer. If I could close my eyes and it would be over I would go and not worry. So maybe I am a coward. I know splitting up is the answer and maybe it won't be forever and maybe he would see the light that he can't live without me. I just think I am a habit to him and his security blanket. If you knew him you would agree. Everybody always says that without me he would be nothing not to his face but I am truly his backbone. My daughter was teasing him the other day in fun that if we left he would be lost he doesn't even know where his banking is done, ask him what the mortgage is and he doesn't know. It's sad but when I try and tell him he can't be bothered.
i just think you need to have some time out.
i can see your hurt and not knowing which way to turn, but its only u that can make those decisions.
i think the worst u can do for yourself is hanker around.
make a decision and do it.
men dont want to understand because they are selfish.
i know i say it, but most of men i know, are not compassionate, thoughtful, generous or kind. its because the matter that they have in their brain is black, not grey or white.
I believe that I need to get away from him and maybe I will never come back or maybe I will miss him terribly and come back. I don't want to play with my daughters emotions and mess her up. I feel bad for what she will go through too. I know kids bounce back but my child is my life and I care how she feels. I want to believe he cares but how much more can be spelled out to me HE DOESN'T CARE!!!!!! I always made excuses for him about his upbringing and all but the excuses are done, I have to take a stand for myself.
most women are the backbones of a relationship. name me a woman that isnt.
can you stay with a family member?
as for your daughter.
i can only tell you from my experiences.
please bare in mind my hubby and i have split many times over the years.
10 months, 3 months, 4 months.
i actually see them as a much needed break from eachother. emotions run high in each of these breaks, but they did not harm.
each time out was for a different reason. stopped loving eachother, stress, infidelity.
we have found in the instances of separation, when we didnot tell our children, they actually sensed it more, and school issues arose.
but on the other occasions we told our children and that of the latest issue with hubby one night stand.
i actually told my children, not to hurt them. but for the issues of why i was so hurt and so angry. and why i was short tempered with them. that way they could tell me, if i was being unreasonable at times.
we actually gave the children the decision on our relationship this time.
basically do you want mum and dad to argue "no"
do you want mum and dad to be "happy"yes.
they wil take sides, its normal for a child to do that.
but we allowed the children what days they wanted dad to call.
it was so much more open.
and if child does not want to be with you or him at times, just dont push, let her take control.
most women are in your same boat. its not even about the grass being greener on the other side. like you say you just want a normal happy family life.
who doesnt?
i had a thought. its only when you mentioned your daughter, the protection mode in you.
why dont you ask hubby to move out for a little.
see here in uk, best to stay in house, have more rights with children.
but should you move out, could it b a different situation for you. u might not get back in .
financially im fine, but i thought about my boys, why up root them. so i said no im not moving. its usually easier for men.
When he walks through the door I don't even know where to begin. I feel that after all these years of being with him he should have more feelings for me and care what happens to me. I am so sorry that I let this get this far. Everybody says oh try and talk to him. No matter what I say it's my fault and never his. He is tired of me and blah blah blah but by the next day he's smiling at me. What the heck??????
my hubby does the same thing.
its like they dont want to acknowledge what they have done.
i give an example.
ok, hubby used to drink.( well stil does) but much improved since infidelity issue. but would not stop at a point like probably a woman would. i know my limit, men dont.
have to have that next pint.
n e way. this agression would overtake him, ****ty to most ppl around him, we have been together 13 years. i have had his issues for most of them , until the issue.
but when he would come home, as a woman i would start, naggin, pissed of with his drinking, the more i nagged , more his aggression came out. says horrible nasty things.
i dont do this now, it only fuels the fire.
but i can guarantee that 100 % the next day, he wouldnt talk about what happened. i have cuddles in bed and a cuppa.
and youd actually say to yourself, who is this person.
but double header see. cannot see the wood for the trees.
men want an easy ride. they can bring up what you did 10 years ago. but the moment you do it and your mud.
my suggestion is, you tell yourself you cannot change him, you change yourself first, other things might fall into place, whether if outcome good or bad.
Why not talk to him but instead of putting him on the defensive (where he feels the need to blame you) put a lot of thought into how you say what you say so that you convey how you are feeling.
I'm feeling as if there is no love left in our marriage, and I mean in both directions. There are a few times in my life that I have really needed you by my side and I felt alone and unsupported. It has made me grow to resent you. I feel, by the way that you easily snap at me, that you are annoyed by me or resent me as well. I think we are at a point where we have been together for so long that we take each other for granted and I think we are at a critical point in our marriage. I am having thoughts of leaving because I can't change this on my own and I'm not sure if you want to. It's not what I want. I want our family together and I want to feel loved and supported by you, but at this point I don't see that happening unless we both go to counseling and try to make our marriage stronger.
Something that will let him know you are serious. See if you get any positive response and go from there. If he tries to push blame as to why you are where you are, just listen, don't argue his points but repeat that you feel you've been going in circles with these issues and either counseling will help you both work through them or it won't.
He doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, but still a nasty person. I hate who he is, but inside I still have that spark. Is it a big spark NO because of who he has become.
He just came home now keep in mind we have been fighting and I wrote him a letter this morning putting it on the line and he walks through the door and says hey you want to take a ride with me I have to go to the dentist. Not anyting about the letter, nothing with nothing. Just totally blew me off!!!!!! Didn't call all day to say a word. Is he in his own world and that clueless that his marriage could be over?
That would be a great idea, but I lose my patience because I feel like I am talking to myself. I wrote the letter not blaming and telling him more than once I am no angel but the things he says brings out the devil in me. No response
probably...if he's always been like this as far as avoiding resolving things after an argument he probably thinks it's just another thing that will blow over if he ignores it since that has worked in the past.
He's probably thinking in the letter that you are upset with him, but also taking some blame so same old same old it will blow over. I don't think he really knows where you are at right now.
Losing your patience will most likely cause him to shut down/go on the defense so don't have the conversation with the end result of wanting him to respond to you in an understanding way...you kinda know it's not gonna happen before you start talking...You want him to get the message that you are serious...only way to do it is to stay calm and remember the purpose for you speaking is for him to hear what you have to say. Don't focus on his response if it is negative. Focus on what you need to get from him...do you want to go to counseling, get a divorce, separate, etc. and none of the above is not a choice.
He just got home and I usually get home from work at 5:00 and it was 3:00. Never said why are you home early, nothing about the letter. His only words to me were "DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A RIDE TO THE DENTIST WITH ME". Do you see what I mean when I say he doesn't have a clue and doesn't care.
i know this sounds daft, think and act like a man, act like him.
then you wil get to understand him.
it does work.
they have a totally diffrent concept of thinking to us.
Re: Where to begin
