ijustdontknow77

I am not sure where to even begin...
I have been married for two and a half years. My sexdrive have went down substancially. A few reasons may include; money issues, I am a full-time student, Full-time mother, a a part-time job, childrens personal chaufer, full-time housekeeper (my house), and personal chef! I do not recieve a lot of help from my husband and kids, when he does help, he expects a "thank you", he has gained about 20 lbs and complains all of the time that he is fat but will not do anything to help the issue, and I am just plain exhausted!
Recently I discovered my husband has been looking at internet porn almost daily, has "friends" (i do not know) on facebook that have posted explicit comments to him and have invited him to person sites, and he registered for an account on one of those sites on 6-1-10!
He is the type of man that would never tell me I do anything wrong, and if I get upset about something about him, he will just agree with me and tell me he will change (many times with tears in his eyes)! He also tells me that I am too pretty for him, which drives me crazy!
Any advice???? PLEASE!

827Aug

I'm assuming the sites you are referring to are basically sex only sites. They are dating sites with a new twist--every one on there is hunting "casual encounters" only. Some of the ones I know right off the bat are Booty Call, Passion, and Mate1. Those are my estranged husband's past time. If your husband is into that, you've probably got some real problems ahead.

ijustdontknow77

Ok..... so what I thought about doing is setting up a profile on one of these sites and trying to get him to meet up with me... That way he can not try to talk his way out of it.... Thoughts???

827Aug

Now you've got the right idea. I've done that; it was a blast. I really saw first hand what a piece of work I was dealing with. To be really successful you will probably need to get others to help you out.

wilted_flower

Oh dear... be careful with that please- you could be setting your self up for a very difficult time. I can understand the desire to "catch him in the act," so to speak.. like a sting operation...

Can you talk to him about why he registered for that site? Maybe he can shed some light on the situation.

Have you guys been through counseling? It sounds like you have needs that aren't being met... and well he's off looking to meet his needs somewhere else so... maybe seeing someone about that could help you repair the relationship before it's too late (unless it is already...)

So... if you want any hope of the marriage succeeding, confront him and get help. If you want that "gotcha" moment, then go through with the sting operation and be prepared to end the relationship.

Good luck.

827Aug

That's nice. If she could "talk" to him, she probably wouldn't be on this forum. Unfortunately people like her husband (& mine and many others) will only deny this activity. They have to be caught red-handed to even admit to it. Besides, if this sting operation is done correctly, she won't even have to meet him. She can learn more than she needs to know by communicating with him on line. Then she can decide what to disclose to him--but she will really know WHAT he is doing. He could be just chatting, or viewing a video cam. Or, he could be having full "casual encounters", which jeopardizes her health.

Chris Taylor

Don't take the facebook thing too seriously. There are "friends" who are nothing but spammers that get you to friend them and then try to sign you up on their site (dating, porn, whatever). Yes he may have signed up for one, but they are pretty clever about how they get people to do that.

When you say you are exhausted, does that imply that there is little or no sex between the two of you? If not, he is probably just looking for a thrill, but it doesn't mean he will actually do anything.

Talk to him, try to be intimate more often and see if you two can move forward together instead of spying and distrust.

ejb

Sorry in the same situation honey, I'm sorry and there's probably nothing that can be said or done to help the pain and hurt you feel.
But I have to ask something, why the hell is it always the womans job to make things right, why can't the man just take responsibly
for what his done and stop it.
Women are always the ones that arn't living up to the males sex drive, well maybe the guys should pull there heads out of there arse gear down and wake up!
Maybe it is the guys fault! It usually is, we don't turn on the porn sites for them!

MarriedWifeInLove

Been there, done that with my husband. Won't make you feel better - just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this situation.

I discovered my husband was just bored since he can't work due to severe medical issues, he was/is viewing webcams occasionally and then just looks. Don't know why, have confronted him, no real response - don't get it and not trying to anymore. Spent too many months in counseling to get my self-esteem back and realize that HIS behavior is not because I'm not good enough, pretty enough or desirable enough.

May not be the way some would handle it, but I don't have a normal situation going on here - so I'm doing the best I can.

I know I didn't give you any good advice, just know that you are not the only spouse out there dealing with this - sometimes I just hate the DAMN INTERNET!

OldTex

I get spammed every week on my facebook. If I don't know them or we don't have friends in common. I will ask my wife if she knows them if not I delete. I would think if He is doing this, He's got a problem. I agree you need to know; Good Luck

amanda1959

I have some experience in this department. Until you actually catch him red handed a man will DENY and LIE his way out of everything.
It is sad but it is only when you have hard evidence in hand there can be some honesty thrown on the situation. I would do whatever it takes to get your answer...but honey hold on to your hat because it is going to hurt. I swear these websites are wiping out most marriages today. The ease of communication through he computer is way too tempting for alot of people. It is sooo easy to cheat if that is what you want.

Jack99

You sound like you're really working hard. What a great wife! Many wives are just looking for a free ride.

I've been unhappily married for a while. Believe me, I have looked at a *lot* of these sites, although I never followed through. Too many potential headaches, costs and problems.

I would discourage trying to catch him in the act. That's negative energy and can only lead to increased hurt. Try this: tell him, you still love him, but are so tired you don't have the energy to give him the love and attention you want to give him. Ask him if he can help you out with things. When he does, tell him thank you, and mean it. It's actually a good sign he's wanting you to say thank you. He's literally telling you what he craves - positive attention. The more you make him out to be the hero, the more he will react. Think of how animal trainers praise their pets profusely when they get the desired behavior. That stuff really works - especially on guys. I wish my wife would say thanks more often. It's a great feeling - it sure beats criticism.

Justin123

If you trust him enough not to cheat on you, I would not worry about it. If you don't, you could try to seduce him anonymously and get him out to meet you through one of these sites. I would not show up there myself but see if he goes. If in the end, he will make at attempt to cheat on you, I'd say he crossed the line (that I would worry about). If he does not, I would not worry so much and attribute it to just him wanting something he can't get in other ways (would it be that much different if he were just imagining things he is watching on PC?)... or even consider if you yourself could get in the mood by watching porn and offer him to watch together to spice up your sex life...

But clearly you need to work on other problems you have in your marriage as well :-( ... maybe come up with workout schedule with him, etc...