I just dont know what to do.....

Frustrated~n~Confused · 06-26-2008, 07:07 PM

Ok...Now I know this is probably going to sound pretty petty compared to the rest of the posts on here but I really don't know what to do. I'll start with some background info...Im am 23 and my husband is 34. We have been together for only 3 years and married for 2. Our relationship has been rocky from the start and only got worse after we got married. Now, here is the issue. We have absolutely no communication and I have exhausted every possible option to trying to fix this. I have suggested counseling, or even writing letter to voice whats bothering us. But he wont even meet me half way with anything. I have told him I am unhappy and I get a look like "so what". Then if I tell him I'm leaving, thats when he wants to talk and try to "fix" things. Then I'll stay and it goes right back to the way it was. It has become mentally exhausting and I want to leave. Im wondering if the age difference is one of the conflicts. I just dont know what to do anymore....any advice is greatly appreciated!!!!

draconis · 06-26-2008, 10:51 PM

Well he knows what to do to keep you where he wants you all he has to do is sugar coat the problem and make believe he has changed until you are content to stay and he can be the same old self again.

draconis

cao428 · 06-27-2008, 04:47 AM

You are so young...Are there children involved? If I were you I would tell him you both need to go to counseling and that's it and if he won't go with you "you will have to make other plans".

Do your homework and find a really good experienced one whom is focussed in Marriage therapy.

Good luck!

Frustrated~n~Confused · 06-27-2008, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cao428

You are so young...Are there children involved? If I were you I would tell him you both need to go to counseling and that's it and if he won't go with you "you will have to make other plans".

Do your homework and find a really good experienced one whom is focussed in Marriage therapy.

Good luck!

No we don't have any children right now. He wants them but with the current situation I do not want to add a child to that, it wouldn't be fair to the baby. But I have tried to get him to go to counseling. We have even gotten to the office and we would get out of the car and just walk home.

Frustrated~n~Confused · 06-27-2008, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

Well he knows what to do to keep you where he wants you all he has to do is sugar coat the problem and make believe he has changed until you are content to stay and he can be the same old self again.

draconis

You are absolutely right. I know that that is a major issue on my end but I don't know how to just walk away...

brenda · 06-27-2008, 12:17 PM

I was in a relationship like this in the past. You need to remove yourself from the situation, give yourself some time to heal, and give him time to change. After you have spent some time apart if you both still want to work on your marriage, ensure that you work things back in slowly (seek counciling, try dating) You have to do something to stop the cycle of him saying what you need to hear, and making temporary changes to keep you. If he wont meet half way then he's not committed to making your relationship work.

827Aug · 06-27-2008, 03:26 PM

You are very wise to postpone having children. Although children can bring a couple much happiness, they can also add stress to a marriage. And since your marriage is already stressed to the breaking point, you and your husband need to focus your attention on fixing your marriage first.

I hate to suggest a separation, but I think you and your husband could benefit from one. Things aren't going to change with the current arrangement. Although I was very sad and upset when my husband moved out in April, it has actually helped our relationship. BUT, we are also going to marriage counseling together. I think you and your husband really need to get counseling in order to identify your problems. When you move out, calmly explain to your husband why you are doing so. And in this conversation you can express your desire to work on the marriage so that both of you can be happy again. This is were you can tell him that you're going to see a marriage counselor and you would like for him to join you. If however, he choses not to keep the appointment with the marriage counselor, then you go alone. If he really wants to help save the marriage, I think he will start going to the counselor too.

draconis · 06-28-2008, 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frustrated~n~Confused

You are absolutely right. I know that that is a major issue on my end but I don't know how to just walk away...

Make sure you have a nest. Either family or friends might provide you a place to stay if you can't keep the place you are at right now. Talk to a lawyer so that join savings don't disappear. Find a source of income and talk to DHHS if need be.

draconis