Alwaysconfused

I have had many post on this website and have gotten some great input especially from women (thanks Turnera and Sista). I am faced now with a different situation and need some advice.

My wife and I have had our disputes and differences just like any other husband/ wife duo but this one is peculiar. I was recently laid off from my job and have been in pursuit of another one...constantly emailing my resume and calling potential employers. I basically spend about 5 to 6 hours on the quest for work. I usually pay the rent and the utilities but now because I am unemployed I had to ask my wife to pick up the tabs.

Since then she has changed some. She is pregnant, understandably but her attitude towards me has been more pungent. She has been a little grouchy and poinant when it comes to finding a job.

On Wednesday, I was sitting down to eat dinner when she called out to me to ask me "What am I doing?" I told her that I was eating dinner. At that time she was online looking for work for me without me asking her. She then persist to email me a bunch of Craiglist jobs that she thinks that I would be suitable for because we are desperate for me to find employment. I am a Political Science grad on the verge of obtaining a Masters Degree.

I had already accepted a position as a custodian earlier that day. I then asked her "next time before you start to look for work for me please ask me first before you begin so I can be a part of the process." She gets upset at me and now won't talk to me. I asked her "Do you think that I don't want to find a job or think that I don't understand the urgency of employment?" She says that "any man would do whatever it takes to find employment." I have accepted a custodian's job in the meantime to make ends meet.

My question is "Ladies do you look at your husband differently if he can't find work or is unemployed?"

quirky_girl

When my husband got laid off last summer, I had a similar reaction to your wife's. I was so scared that we would end up homeless if we couldn't pay our rent that I went out and took on a second job. I became resentful of him because I felt our financial burdens were on my shoulders and I could not see him actively trying to change that.

I think that you truly care for your family since you were willing to take on the custodian job, take the job but keep job hunting for something better. And keep an open conversation with your wife about your job hunt. She may not be around when you are applying or see how much you are doing. This would make her think you are not trying. At the end of the day after you have been job hunting, talk to her about what you did. This will build her confidence in you back and she won't just see this situation as a downward spiral. Women tend to want to fix things right away, and a job hunt is a long process. Keep her involved and she will not feel a need to email you endless craigslist postings.

Best of wishes for a happy marriage and wonderful new job!

delicatelover

I do look at my H differently because he has been unemployed too often. Throughout the years, he has become a bit too relaxed with not working than actually working and it has created a huge wedge between us. I try to be as supportive as I can, asking and trying to discuss what he wants to do career/education-wise but I haven't really seen any action put behind these discussions. It's frustrating to say the least. I don't know what else I can do so I just keep praying that God steps in and leads us in a better direction. I want to help him but it's more about him helping hisself first.

chillax

if it keeps happening, then yes i would be like her i guess.
But if my hubby is stable person who does not keep changing jobs then i would be understanding.

Around 2 years back there was very high chance that my hubby would be laid off. I kept telling him that it is ok, that we will find a way. I was pregnant back then. I knew that my hubby will find a way.

I have few friends who's husbands dont/wont work. They easily get frustrated with their jobs and leave. They dont even try to find work. They go unemployed for few months and then find a job and leave within a few months. I have heard the wives complain but thats with reasons.

SarahMarshall

Having an unemployed husband is not easy. My husband was laid off last year for a few months and he was definitely the breadwinner. There were no jobs (literally, we were in a small town) and I made a very small amount of money, definitely not enough to support our family on. He looked hard, but it was just frustrating having him home almost ALL the time. It drove me CRAZY! While I did work, I was still home often and spending that much time around him really started to grate on my nerves.

It was a very happy day in our house when he got another job. There's not just money problems when a spouse gets laid off, there's dealing with the increased time together. At first it's nice, but after awhile if you don't get away from each other it starts to really get annoying.

Stumped2012

My husband hasn't worked in three years and I'm sick of it. I see him as a lazy, overweight, unemployed old fart. He's does the housework and takes care of the house and that is supposed to make up for him not having a job... NO... he needs a damn job. We're in $25K credit card debt, student loan debt, mortgage, etc, and he is sitting at home playing on his computer and taking naps while I'm busting my ass working two jobs. You're damn right I look at him differently. I see him as a loafer that suddenly is wearing a XXL and expects me to make all the money.

Gaia

O.o... I almost replied to this one..... good thing i checked the date first....

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"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~
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humanbecoming

Yah.... But maybe the guy still doesn't have a job!