General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMOR
The simple answer to your question is yes, they can be. But is that a good idea when theres already strain on the marriage..... I think not.
Very good point AMOR...
AND, another I didn't think of when I first replied...
Openness is KEY... if there are "secret" friends, or friends who you wouldn't want your spouse to meet then you are in dangerous territory.
Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie Z
I am married and I have a single guy friend. We became friends when we worked together. He is a cool guy and he has been like a close friend to me. Lately the thing that is really making me sad cause it is so ignorant is that he has been avoiding me and acting strange with me so in return I don't know how I should handle his behavior he has said he doesn't want my husband thinking something is going on between us. I have been friends with him for awhile so I don't know why this is coming out now. I've talked to my husband he is ok with my being friends with him since I have been honest and told him he is just one of the buddies from my church. I wish there was some way I could make my friend feel comfortable with hanging around me like he does with his other girl pals that have boyfriends or husbands. It really hurts me when I just want to fit in and I feel like an outcast to him now because of my relationship status.
This is a perfect example of why I think it's inappropriate.
Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie Z
Lately the thing that is really making me sad cause it is so ignorant is that he has been avoiding me and acting strange with me so in return I don't know how I should handle his behavior he has said he doesn't want my husband thinking something is going on between us.
Maybe this guy is realizing that he wouldn't be too happy if his wife (if he had one) was hanging out with another dude?
Many years ago, when things were still good in my marriage, my W became friends with a single coworker. It didn't bother me, b/c my marriage seemed good + they weren't hanging out after work. We went to some event, and she invited him. I met him, and I think I acted friendly. I kept trying to start a conversation, but he just seemed squirrely. She had told me before that he was overly shy/quiet, but he seemed pretty uncomfortable around me. My gut is generally screaming over every little thing, but not so at all in this case. I don't think they were doing anything inappropriate...I think he just felt intimidated or something around me. Or...maybe he thought, "I wouldn't want the effin guy hovering around my wife."
Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?
I have single male friends, some of whom I dated in the past. I've also cut out some male friends since being with my husband because he felt disrespected by things they said or did.
Now, he's a guy that trusts me completely. I play on a pool league where I was the only girl on my team, and he had no objection to me going to my team captain's house to practice even though he was single and nobody else was at his house. I think I felt more awkward than he did, and I asked my captain to meet me in a public place after that.
Another guy, who I dated, and who I consider a valuable friend, has never met my husband. We talk about getting us all together, etc. and my guy's not real comfortable with the idea, but has agreed. It still hasn't happened. But I've visited my friend once at his house, and once in a restaurant, in the two years since I've been with my husband, and we talk on the phone once a month or so.
However, out of respect for my husband, I would put the brakes on "hanging out" regularly without him, and I certainly wouldn't talk about marital problems because of the conflict of interest potential.
If I didn't uphold those boundaries, I can't imagine him continuing to trust me, and I'd lose a lot of my "freedoms" in the process.
Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?
I'll give my old fashioned view, and I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do, but just how I was raised. Of course, everyone has people of the opposite sex that they consider a friend. I consider the lady i work with a friend, but she is married, so we don't hang out together and call each other on the phone and laugh and chat for hours. i think that just opens the door for problems, but then, that is the culture where I live and how i was raised.
I've even heard people here talk about being married and going out with friends of the opposite sex, for example, but that is just not something that is done where I live. When I was growing up, I can't imagine my mom or dad going out with someone that was a friend and leaving the other at home. Tongues would wag in my rural community. No high horse here, just giving my experience.
Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?
I think it is rare for a married women and single man to only be (friends). Its my opinion that a guy will be friends until he can figure out how to make the relationship more. It has been my experience that most of my wife's guy friends eventually end up wanting more than just friendship. My wife has always been open about her guy friends and tell me about their interactions including when he tries to take it to the next level. One even tried to get her to leave me, marry him and move off to another state. Others have been more subtle about it but give it time and it will happen. Them being married didn't change things either when it comes to the guy wanting to have sex. She doesn't have any to speak of now, due to all of them eventually wanting the same thing. SEX. Nip it in the Bud now so that it can not progress any further. It usually starts innocent enough, then one becomes a shoulder to cry on then the sex idea comes up.
Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostwithouther
I never had issues with my wife being friends with any guy. Like draconis said, if you have trust there is no problem.
But Swedish is VERY right, this is what has happened to my wife. She couldn't talk to her girl friends anymore about our problems(didn't like their answers), so she turned to a guy friend. Sure enough she admitted having emotions for him even though she said she was just talking to him...I told her that I didn't want her seeing or talking to him for awhile until I could build my trust back up with her. She agreed but fell right back into him days later.
Today, she has moved out. Seems like there is still something there for me by the way she talks to me in person or on the phone.... BUT I know she talking/hanging around with this guy still and even got spotted at the beach with him and his two kids(divorced) last weekend.
Trust is great but emotions can happen anytime without you even knowing it.
You seem to be contradicting yourself.
You had trust in your wife and yet there is a problem.
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Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man? 
