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Old 02-07-2010, 12:29 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

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Originally Posted by AMOR View Post
The simple answer to your question is yes, they can be. But is that a good idea when theres already strain on the marriage..... I think not.
Very good point AMOR...
AND, another I didn't think of when I first replied...
Openness is KEY... if there are "secret" friends, or friends who you wouldn't want your spouse to meet then you are in dangerous territory.
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Old 06-19-2012, 12:49 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

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Originally Posted by Marie Z View Post
I am married and I have a single guy friend. We became friends when we worked together. He is a cool guy and he has been like a close friend to me. Lately the thing that is really making me sad cause it is so ignorant is that he has been avoiding me and acting strange with me so in return I don't know how I should handle his behavior he has said he doesn't want my husband thinking something is going on between us. I have been friends with him for awhile so I don't know why this is coming out now. I've talked to my husband he is ok with my being friends with him since I have been honest and told him he is just one of the buddies from my church. I wish there was some way I could make my friend feel comfortable with hanging around me like he does with his other girl pals that have boyfriends or husbands. It really hurts me when I just want to fit in and I feel like an outcast to him now because of my relationship status.
This is a perfect example of why I think it's inappropriate.

Last edited by Complexity; 06-19-2012 at 01:27 PM.
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Old 06-19-2012, 01:06 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

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Originally Posted by Marie Z View Post
Lately the thing that is really making me sad cause it is so ignorant is that he has been avoiding me and acting strange with me so in return I don't know how I should handle his behavior he has said he doesn't want my husband thinking something is going on between us.
Maybe this guy is realizing that he wouldn't be too happy if his wife (if he had one) was hanging out with another dude?

Many years ago, when things were still good in my marriage, my W became friends with a single coworker. It didn't bother me, b/c my marriage seemed good + they weren't hanging out after work. We went to some event, and she invited him. I met him, and I think I acted friendly. I kept trying to start a conversation, but he just seemed squirrely. She had told me before that he was overly shy/quiet, but he seemed pretty uncomfortable around me. My gut is generally screaming over every little thing, but not so at all in this case. I don't think they were doing anything inappropriate...I think he just felt intimidated or something around me. Or...maybe he thought, "I wouldn't want the effin guy hovering around my wife."
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Old 06-19-2012, 01:22 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

Please quit resurrecting old threads!

Marie, you should start your own theread and get fresh opinions and more eyeballs-
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Old 06-19-2012, 01:46 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

I have single male friends, some of whom I dated in the past. I've also cut out some male friends since being with my husband because he felt disrespected by things they said or did.

Now, he's a guy that trusts me completely. I play on a pool league where I was the only girl on my team, and he had no objection to me going to my team captain's house to practice even though he was single and nobody else was at his house. I think I felt more awkward than he did, and I asked my captain to meet me in a public place after that.

Another guy, who I dated, and who I consider a valuable friend, has never met my husband. We talk about getting us all together, etc. and my guy's not real comfortable with the idea, but has agreed. It still hasn't happened. But I've visited my friend once at his house, and once in a restaurant, in the two years since I've been with my husband, and we talk on the phone once a month or so.

However, out of respect for my husband, I would put the brakes on "hanging out" regularly without him, and I certainly wouldn't talk about marital problems because of the conflict of interest potential.

If I didn't uphold those boundaries, I can't imagine him continuing to trust me, and I'd lose a lot of my "freedoms" in the process.
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Old 06-19-2012, 03:50 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

I'll give my old fashioned view, and I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do, but just how I was raised. Of course, everyone has people of the opposite sex that they consider a friend. I consider the lady i work with a friend, but she is married, so we don't hang out together and call each other on the phone and laugh and chat for hours. i think that just opens the door for problems, but then, that is the culture where I live and how i was raised.

I've even heard people here talk about being married and going out with friends of the opposite sex, for example, but that is just not something that is done where I live. When I was growing up, I can't imagine my mom or dad going out with someone that was a friend and leaving the other at home. Tongues would wag in my rural community. No high horse here, just giving my experience.
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Old 06-19-2012, 09:39 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

Depends on the situation.
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Old 06-21-2012, 11:30 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

I think it is rare for a married women and single man to only be (friends). Its my opinion that a guy will be friends until he can figure out how to make the relationship more. It has been my experience that most of my wife's guy friends eventually end up wanting more than just friendship. My wife has always been open about her guy friends and tell me about their interactions including when he tries to take it to the next level. One even tried to get her to leave me, marry him and move off to another state. Others have been more subtle about it but give it time and it will happen. Them being married didn't change things either when it comes to the guy wanting to have sex. She doesn't have any to speak of now, due to all of them eventually wanting the same thing. SEX. Nip it in the Bud now so that it can not progress any further. It usually starts innocent enough, then one becomes a shoulder to cry on then the sex idea comes up.
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Old 06-21-2012, 11:33 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

Yes a married woman can be friends with a single man.

Not my married woman but I'm sure it's entirely possible
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Old 06-21-2012, 11:58 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

Yes, you should worry about it.
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Old 06-21-2012, 12:39 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

Does that mean the platonic section on craigslist is a fraud?
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:39 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

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Originally Posted by Lostwithouther View Post
I never had issues with my wife being friends with any guy. Like draconis said, if you have trust there is no problem.

But Swedish is VERY right, this is what has happened to my wife. She couldn't talk to her girl friends anymore about our problems(didn't like their answers), so she turned to a guy friend. Sure enough she admitted having emotions for him even though she said she was just talking to him...I told her that I didn't want her seeing or talking to him for awhile until I could build my trust back up with her. She agreed but fell right back into him days later.
Today, she has moved out. Seems like there is still something there for me by the way she talks to me in person or on the phone.... BUT I know she talking/hanging around with this guy still and even got spotted at the beach with him and his two kids(divorced) last weekend.
Trust is great but emotions can happen anytime without you even knowing it.
You seem to be contradicting yourself.

You had trust in your wife and yet there is a problem.
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Old 09-21-2013, 05:33 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

I have a wife that likes to have single male friends and it is one of the most annoying things. In fact it totally turns me off. I am not ugly or fat in fact I've been told that I'm easy on the eyes.

My wife had a friend in school named Brett and when I dated her all she would do is talk about this guy. I never understood it because he is fat and funky looking. I was told there was nothing between them although I have always had my eye on them. Reason being, coming from a mans point of view I have never had a relationship with a woman that didn't end up in the sack. I couldn't even have friendships with friends moms because we would end up in the sack. This was when I was in my early twenties and late teens. So I married this person and after a while Brett started coming around. He would bring his wife so I would let it go even though I knew there was some sort of relationship between these two. We live out in rural Colorado so after a while Brett starts coming out without his wife and was taking my wife target shooting on the edge of our little town. So I kept hearing the he's married anyway routine and I always thought yeah sure. His wife was one ugly mug. We had a failing business and there was a lot of tension over it. My wife had moved funds from one account to the other to make me think the business was doing ok until we ran out of money. I was mad real mad. I think I didn't really talk much to my wife for about six months. She claims this is what led her to what she did. So then the text messages start. I start watching a bit and was getting annoyed. Then there started being texts between the two at 2am, 3am, 4am, and so on. When this started to happen grabbed her cell phone when she was sleeping because she got mad at me the night before and left. She didn't come back till 7am the next morning. Her hair was standing on end. She had bed head but she doesn't remember this part. So then I start looking at the messages in the phone and I find a whole bunch of oral sex talk between the two. So I lo jacked the car and also put monitoring software on the computer. I found a message on my space with Brett asking how he was in the sack. I ask her about it she flies off the handle and takes the kids and moves out. She heads over to her moms. She stays there about a week and then we have a meeting at a local restaurant because I had met with a lawyer and was ready to initiate temporary custody of the children so she couldn't leave state. So texts keep coming on the phone when we were at dinner and then says to me she has to leave because her mom put a curfew on her. I knew better than that, and waited at the in-laws house out in the street for her to show up after dinner because she was going home to bed. Well she never showed up, so I wonder who she was talking to via text at dinner? I'm persistent, I waited till about 4am and had my vehicle strategically placed so when she came around the curve to the in-laws it would be to late for her to try to back up or get away. I said fancy meeting you here. She said I was stalking, I said I checked with local police and as long as she had my kids in that house I can stay out in the street all I want. She said she was at a movie with Bret and his wife. Later I found out that she and he went to the movie Bret's wife was out of town. This all got pretty ugly we came close to divorce, so we reconcile I'm told nothing ever happened. That is all great and all but this changed our relationship and it was never the same. So she said she made mistakes and we should move on and so that's what happened. Now she does that same garbage. Not with Bret but friends of mine from work. The one guy even went to work and said he was sleeping with my wife and she is still friends with him after all of the embarrassment I have to endure at work. So is this single guy enough no she has to bring another stray divorcee'to her Facebook page, then get her number and then start talking when I'm not around. I know what you all will say, but she thinks here behavior is fine. Another big part of the story is that their excuse for the Myspace message was that they were talking about when they were kids. The interesting thing was she told me for years that there was never a romantic side of things. Then the Myspace message happened and then they said that they just didn't want to tell me about their relationship before I met my wife. My biggest problem with the situation is that there was a major violation of trust then, and now she is trying to repeat history or something. This all happened in 2007. So we made it a few years and back to the same behavior. So my opinion is that men and women can't just be friends and I know this because I am a man and I know how they think. They never just think about wholesome things when they are around attractive women doesn't matter whether they are married or not. I sure would like some feed back from you folks. I am told I am the bad guy. I'm jealous and don't have any trust.




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Old 09-21-2013, 09:18 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

It all depends on the local culture and the situation.
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Old 09-21-2013, 08:35 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

If she needs to ask for advice about some personal problems and can't talk to you about then my reasoning is

Why the F*** did she marry you. If a wife or husband needs to go to a friend of the opposite sex to get advice on their life, well I guess I'm not good enough to hear about your problems and maybe help you out.

If she needs another man's shoulder to cry on, IMO the marriage is close to being dead. If my wife can't talk to me about her problems, I'm as good as gone. Or I'm just a sucker roommate who's there to help her pay the bills and provide her with a cushy life. BTW, this goes both ways.
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