Can a married woman be friends with a single man?

nosnhoj · 06-27-2008, 08:40 AM

My wife and I are having some issues currently and I was wondering what everyones take was on this. She has a new friend that she has known for about 4 months. She talks to him and hangs out with him quite often. Is this something that I should worry about, or is this something that is normal and I just overreact to? There are plenty of details that we can get into about who she is, why they talk. But the bottom line is this, can a married woman who is having trouble in her marriage be friends with a single man and not have this become a problem?

Amplexor · 06-27-2008, 09:14 AM

You’d have to give us more details about the relationship to try and make an assessment on it. Can a married woman be friends with a single man without it becoming more? Of course she can. But if you are in some marital stress and the friendship is bothering you, you need to talk to her to understand what it is.

draconis · 06-27-2008, 09:16 AM

It seems more of a trust issue. My wife (married ten years) has many single friends including many I have never met, but she knows them through her college or work. There are many she hangs out with for many different reasons but they are not often alone. I trust her, but quite honestly there is one that really rubs me the wrong way because he has no boundries to touch his women friends such as hugs, back rubs, rubbing their bellies, feet, or giving them pecks (kisses) and that is all within a controlled enviroment. I talk with my wife about him because I felt uncomfortable with the fact he seemed to have no boundries. I don't care that she talks to him at all however. She does have many guy friends that act like gentle men that I could care less if she hugs.

To a degree she is a mature woman and can chose who she wants as friends. I respect her opinion, and will never stand in her way of her choice.

As far as the guy I felt uncomfortable with I resersed the question and asked her if woman x acted that way to me how would she feel. She acknowledged she would feel jealous, and unsettled. So she doesn't let mr x in a zone that would make me feel uncomfortable. I am thankful that our communications are so good.

Truth be told I have trust in my wife. After all 99% of the time that she sees him or others I am not there. I have no worries. Because I trust her.

Can a married woman be friends with a single guy? sure.
Can it become a problem? No more then if he was married.
Even with issues in the marriage? That doesn't change things.

draconis

swedish · 06-27-2008, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nosnhoj

But the bottom line is this, can a married woman who is having trouble in her marriage be friends with a single man and not have this become a problem?

I don't think there is anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex when you are married, as long as the married person does not say/do things with the friend that they would not say/do if their spouse were sitting there with them.

If you are having marital problems and she is discussing them with a male friend, I would have concerns. Mainly because the two of you should be having those discussions and if the male friend is very understanding, etc. she may become emotionally attached to him and push you further away. I hear over and over on this forum that after an emotional affair ends the spouse does not understand how it got that far...it just happened, etc. but at some point the friendship crossed a line.

Lostwithouther · 07-03-2008, 05:38 AM

I never had issues with my wife being friends with any guy. Like draconis said, if you have trust there is no problem.

But Swedish is VERY right, this is what has happened to my wife. She couldn't talk to her girl friends anymore about our problems(didn't like their answers), so she turned to a guy friend. Sure enough she admitted having emotions for him even though she said she was just talking to him...I told her that I didn't want her seeing or talking to him for awhile until I could build my trust back up with her. She agreed but fell right back into him days later.
Today, she has moved out. Seems like there is still something there for me by the way she talks to me in person or on the phone.... BUT I know she talking/hanging around with this guy still and even got spotted at the beach with him and his two kids(divorced) last weekend.
Trust is great but emotions can happen anytime without you even knowing it.

draconis · 07-03-2008, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lostwithouther

I never had issues with my wife being friends with any guy. Like draconis said, if you have trust there is no problem.

But Swedish is VERY right, this is what has happened to my wife. She couldn't talk to her girl friends anymore about our problems(didn't like their answers), so she turned to a guy friend. Sure enough she admitted having emotions for him even though she said she was just talking to him...I told her that I didn't want her seeing or talking to him for awhile until I could build my trust back up with her. She agreed but fell right back into him days later.
Today, she has moved out. Seems like there is still something there for me by the way she talks to me in person or on the phone.... BUT I know she talking/hanging around with this guy still and even got spotted at the beach with him and his two kids(divorced) last weekend.
Trust is great but emotions can happen anytime without you even knowing it.

It's not like you could keep her from her friend. Even if you could that would have meant you didn't trust her and was overbearing which may have lead to even more problems/issues. You have to trust in blind faith sometimes that what you built is strong enough to stand "tests".

draconis