engaged but dont want to get married
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Old 07-12-2007, 03:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default engaged but dont want to get married

I've been engaged for a few months now, but am not sure if i want to get married. i thought this was exactly what i wanted, but im not sure anymore. i've been with my fiance for over 2 years and have been living together for more than 1 1/2 years. i used to have so much fun with him and now i feel like since we got engaged i just feel stuck. i dont feel that excitment i used to when i see him. i dont even feel anything when we kiss. i just get annoyed and want to be left alone. i dont know if its because im super stressed at work or because we seem so much busier than we used to be and dont have enough time for each other. Right now we have already made some plans for the wedding which isn't until next year, but we have put some deposits down and i would feel like im wasting my parents money if i cancel it. I know the weddings not for a while, but i dont know what to do. i feel like everytime him and i have a conversation it ends in a fight. i want to be happy with him because hes a good guy, but i just dont know if hes the one for me. Could I just be emotional and stressed and be taking it out on him? I know he knows things are different because he says things about it. He wants things to be the way they used to be but i dont know if there is anything there. I have had a few other long time relationships that ended after about a year or two and i feel like thats where this one is at. I dont know if i can spend the rest of my life with him and be happy. my biggest fear is divorce and i dont want to put him through one either.. Any advise on how you know if hes the one or if its not worth trying?
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Old 07-13-2007, 02:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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General rule of thumb is if there are doubts any time before marriage then it isn't right. Doubts tend to grow as time goes on and you'll be miserable and left wondering what if.
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Old 07-14-2007, 03:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Go with your gut feeling. If you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with this person then you don't want to marry him.

If you cancel your wedding now, you might be able to get a portion of the deposits back.

Also, it costs a lot of money to get divorced. Then your parents will have paid for a wedding -- guests will have paid for gifts -- and then in 6 months or a year you will be paying for a divorce. Talk about a big guilt trip for wasting your parents money!

I did this once--I knew while I was engaged that this was the wrong person. I was too embarrased to back out -- wasted money -- hurt feelings -- "I told you so" -- etc.

Trust me, looking back, it would have been much easier (in the long run) to cancel everything ahead of time.
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Old 07-14-2007, 05:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Yes, I would have to say if you have any doubts I would cancel. You mentioned that your finance said that things are not the same so maybe if you just didn't set a date right at this moment and waited things might look better when you don't have as much going on in your life.
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