General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
It would make most anyone uncomfortable. He is part of their life not yours. He needs to come and get them and visit them away from the home. If he is over that much then he must not live too far. As your spouse your wife should understand that with no problem.
My wife doesn't seem to accept my kids from my previous marriage. She has a big problem with jealousy, she doesn't put fort effort for me to see my kids and when I do, she always argues. I am about to terminate this relationship! Please help!!
I have two beautiful daughters with my wife, Kathy just turned 3 yrs and Nicole was born July 19,2010. I love my kids, but I cant handle this anymore. My wife along with her mother are teaming up on me. There is no way of making her understand.
Honestly, this one is kind of hard. He is coming over to see his kids...you can't argue with that. If you try, he could take her to court and fight for custody, and if he wins, she'll blame you. I would suggest that maybe you could suggest that he take the kids to his home or do things with them outside of your home, but I wouldn't go any further than that.
As for you not seeing your kids...why does she need to put forth ANY effort for you to see them? They are your kids; it is your responsibility to see them. If you want to see your kids, go see them. There's nothing to argue about. "Honey, I'm going to see my kids. I'll be back later. Love you." And if you don't want to go see them, then don't blame her.
I am a mom of 2 and my ex NEVER comes to see my kids. To me, a father who wanted to come see his kids more days than not, would be a dream come true. I would love it if my kids' father actually cared enough to come see them regularly and wanted to stay involved. And if my boyfriend tried to interfere in that, he would be told to either deal with it or leave, because my kids and their happiness is what counts when it comes to that. And I would be extremely angry if I were blamed because he didn't see his kids (he doesn't have any, so it's not an issue for us). If you had the child, you are responsible for seeing the child; not your wife who wasn't even around when you had that child.
Your wife does not respect you. Out of respect for my wife, I would not tolerate my ex coming over to the house and lingering. Out of respect for my wife's feelings, I would not interfere with her relationship with her kids. Out of respect for my wife, I would not discuss our private relationship business with my mother. I think it's time to set some boundaries and rules. This isn't really about the ex and it isn't about your kids. It's about her demonstrated lack of respect for you. A relationship without mutual respect isn't a love affair. It's a hostage crisis.
whats the use of coming if he has no business with your wife again? your wife should be the one to stop he.. not you.. cos it may look embarassment to he...
Honestly, this one is kind of hard. He is coming over to see his kids...you can't argue with that. If you try, he could take her to court and fight for custody, and if he wins, she'll blame you. I would suggest that maybe you could suggest that he take the kids to his home or do things with them outside of your home, but I wouldn't go any further than that.
As for you not seeing your kids...why does she need to put forth ANY effort for you to see them? They are your kids; it is your responsibility to see them. If you want to see your kids, go see them. There's nothing to argue about. "Honey, I'm going to see my kids. I'll be back later. Love you." And if you don't want to go see them, then don't blame her.
I am a mom of 2 and my ex NEVER comes to see my kids. To me, a father who wanted to come see his kids more days than not, would be a dream come true. I would love it if my kids' father actually cared enough to come see them regularly and wanted to stay involved. And if my boyfriend tried to interfere in that, he would be told to either deal with it or leave, because my kids and their happiness is what counts when it comes to that. And I would be extremely angry if I were blamed because he didn't see his kids (he doesn't have any, so it's not an issue for us). If you had the child, you are responsible for seeing the child; not your wife who wasn't even around when you had that child.
It is good to see that her ex is taking an active part in raising them BUT wife's ex does not appear to have ANY boundaries and yes boundaries MUST be set. No problem with him coming over BUT TO GET THE KIDS NOT STAY!! Heck he can take them to a park or to the mall but there is NO reason why he should be lounging in their home.
I am quite sure he knows those are his kids and his responsibility but I can bet you there are plenty of men on this forum (including myself) who have been in a marriage where he cares deeply for his step kids (someone else kids) but his wife could care less about his kids.
I remember vividly my ex getting down right NASTY if i did NOT treat her kids like they were MY kids, but she would treat MY kids with indifference. Maybe that is the reason some "stepmoms" have the unfortunate title of being the "wicked" ones.
There are many women that make their husbands feel guilty for spending time with their kids.
It is good to see that her ex is taking an active part in raising them BUT wife's ex does not appear to have ANY boundaries and yes boundaries MUST be set. No problem with him coming over BUT TO GET THE KIDS NOT STAY!! Heck he can take them to a park or to the mall but there is NO reason why he should be lounging in their home.
I am quite sure he knows those are his kids and his responsibility but I can bet you there are plenty of men on this forum (including myself) who have been in a marriage where he cares deeply for his step kids (someone else kids) but his wife could care less about his kids.
I remember vividly my ex getting down right NASTY if i did NOT treat her kids like they were MY kids, but she would treat MY kids with indifference. Maybe that is the reason some "stepmoms" have the unfortunate title of being the "wicked" ones.
There are many women that make their husbands feel guilty for spending time with their kids.
To address the first part, about the father "lounging", there are times in which the father is not allowed to take the kids. My ex, if he chose to see the kids, has to see them at my home with me there, because he is a registered sex offender among other reasons and I feel my children would not be safe in his care alone. Now, he doesn't state that there's anything like that, but even if there's no court order, maybe the mom feels more comfortable supervising the visits for some reason that she hasn't expressed.
And yes, I'm aware that there are women who interfere with the relationship between a man and his kids...and that is wrong, absolutely. But the way he phrased it, that she "puts forth no effort" for him to see his kids is why I responded the way I did. She should not have to put forth any effort; she should also not interfere. Now, if she specifically interferes, say taking their only car when she knows he was going to visit them or saying he can't bring them to the house, or if he'd said "she says/does things that make it hard for me to see them", I'd have responded differently. And maybe the way he phrased it wasn't right, and he meant something different. If that's the case, and he'd like to try to phrase it differently, I'd be happy to apologize for misunderstanding and change my opinion.
well I was mainly going by his statement of his wife being "jealous" of his relationship with his kids and he states she does not seem to accept them. Which to me is a HUGE red flag.
my wife ex visits constantly 
