Why do I try and sabotage our marriage??
Well...here's my latest issue...
Last night my wife put together an awesome cookout for some close friends and family. Well, I turned into a complete drunken ass. I may have destroyed my marriage...but I'm trying to recoup anything I might have hurt last night...here's the rundown...
My wife and I, mostly my wife sad to say...sold her horses (which she loves DEARLY) and many other things around the house to have a tubalplasty...which is where the tubes are placed back together after they have already been 'cut'. Her and I want a baby together so bad we can taste it.
Well, a few weeks ago...she left her e-mail up, and against my better judgment, I decided to go through it. Now, my wife is the most honest and trustworthy person I have EVER met. But it seems like I still wanted some form of verification. Well, the very first e-mail I opened was a picture that should have been for my eyes only...I was floored.
Now, I have put this woman through SO much sh!t to begin with, it's not even funny. So, after I cooled down I realized that even if it were sent to someone she was 'flirting' with, that I would deserve it and I know she would tell me about it anyways.
Well, last night I got drunk and when I get drunk I get mean. We started arguing about her ex, and I mean really stupid stuff. And she dropped the 'F' bomb and I went irate. She said 'F' you...and this is when I just lost it. Being drunk did NOT help my case in the slightest.
Well, I brought up the picture in question and told her to explain herself in no particular fashion...I was very rude throughout all of this. And I understand her getting pissed.
Well, long story short...it was a pic that was sent to her cousin in Kentucky and it really was to him. I know of him and I know that they joke around about things. I did find this a little weird, but I digress. I believe her that it's who she sent it to. And please, don't post any smartass remarks about this going to her cousin.
Now, she thinks that I can't trust her and that I blew everything apart. I honestly feel like I might have flushed my marriage down the drain because I couldn't control my drinking. We have been talking today and things seem to at least be steady. It's not like we're ignoring each other or anything. I came home from work after talking to her there pretty much all day and just had a heart to heart about everything.
I don't want to drink, but she said that she would be more impressed if I could just slow down and learn moderation instead of just quitting...which I believe she's right about. So, I'm going to try and slow WAY down on drinking...because I see the monster that I turn into when I've been drinking. I can't hurt her anymore. I have put her through so much already and I know that I'm on the brink of losing her as it is.
I know that she was home when I got home for a reason. My wife is the type that if she doesn't want to talk to you, she won't and she'll readily admit it. She won't talk to me out of courtesy. I think she was home because she wanted to talk about things. We talked for about an hour and a half about things and I really do think that we might have a few things ironed out.
So, my question is this...was I out of line for looking at the e-mail? I think I was. And, by her being home, do you think that she really wants to work and try and fix this?? I mean, I know she wants this to work, in all honesty, more than I do. That's not to say that I don't want it to work...she's just been divorced before and I truly KNOW how much she loves me...I've just done a terrible job of showing her that I love her...but I truly do.
I really could never picture my life without her and I pray that I never have to go through it. But, any advice would help. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read my post. She's in bed right now so I'm gonna lay down and spend the rest of the evening hopefully talking things out. I'll be back tomorrow with an update! Good night guys!
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Re: Why do I try and sabotage our marriage??
