I am very upset and confused at the moment and would like some advice. My husband and I have been happily married for 4 years and have a 6 month old daughter. Recently, my younger sister moved in with us while searching for a job.
My husband and my sister seemed to be getting on extremely well and had many things in common, which made me very happy. However, recently, I have started to notice that my husband is paying more and more attention to my sister. When we have a chat, he would only look at her and tend to ignore what I have to say. He is very attentive of her, forcing her to take breakfast, giving her vitamin pills and he seems to be anticipating her every needs. While my daughter and I pretty much look after ourselves.
Also, at the end of the day, I am usually exhausted and ask my husband to go to bed early with me but he always makes excuses and stays out in the living room with my sister to chat/watch TV.
I think my husband is falling for my sister. Am I being paranoid? What should I do? I don't want to cause unnecessary awkwardness if this turns out to be just my imagination. Any advice is very much appreciated.
I've got friends but I don't feed them vitamins or consistently let my wife go to bed alone so I can hang out with them. Does he feed you vitamins and breakfast, too? Could be nothing but could be a problem waiting to happen, especially if you guys are having problems. This is going to sound really crude and I'm sure I'll offend someone but I've been a guy 49 years and worked in predominantly male occupations all my life. Guys have two piles in which they mentally put women. There's the "I'd do her" pile and the "No way" pile. Doesn't mean they'd actually ever act on it but guys do view women this way. Chances are, your younger sister isn't hideous and she probably shares some of your mannerisms. He fell for you, so it's entirely possible that he finds your sister attractive and interesting as well. All adultary begins with mental fantasies so it'd probably be a great idea for sis to find a job soon or for you to make an effort to stay up a little longer. Probably neither has done anything wrong and probably neither will but people are human. I don't know your husband. It is possible that he's a saint and just trying to make your sister feel welcome in your home and he'd do the same for your brother, uncle, or aunt cause he loves you. I haven't met many saints but you could have one.
Trust me, the ground work had been lain, and even if it is still innocent now...it could very very easily turn from night to day at the drop of a hat. That's how it happened with my wife. Just friends, then pow!
Maybe you should take your sister aside and ask her to not be as available to him as she has been.
And separately, take your husband aside and tell him to not be as available to her.
Use the argument that the idea is to make her welcome, but not too welcome since "we" all want her to move out soon.
If she is too comfortable, the end date stretches out longer.
Do not even take the jealous sister/wife angle with either of them.
That will be met with denial and false "outrage"--especially if there is anything to it.
Hmm, this IS a tricky one. Being jealous about it could trigger them to go behind our back with the innocent things JUST so you won't get upset. Then, once again, once they are doing innocent things in secret there is no stop to temptation coming in and then it will go further. Again, another thing I experienced with my wife.
There is NO way your husband should be paying more attention to your sister than you and your child. Do you trust your sister, how about your husband? Have you talked to him about this, what does he say?
I'd keep an eye on it and if he says hes falling for her, get him out of the house. If they both say they are falling for eachother, get them both out of the house. You shouldn't have to feel like something is going on between them. Trust your instincts and take care of yourself first.
Keep us posted.
From the information you provided so far, I too feel that your sister needs to move out ASAP.
I don't think you are being paranoid. However I do have few questions that might help better understand your situation.
- Your husband is paying too much attention to your sister and ignoring you and the child. How about your sister? Is she being receptive of the attention? What do you think her position is in all this?
- Is there any flirting?
- Does your sister have a BF?
- Has your husband ever cheated on you in the past? or flirted or done something similar with any other woman?
- Is this your real sister, or is she a cousin etc?
- How has your sister's character been in general? Is she a good sister who respects you, or has she been jealous of you etc? How strong do you think her moral values are?
- What are your ages - you, your husband, your sister
He is very attentive of her, forcing her to take breakfast, giving her vitamin pills and he seems to be anticipating her every needs.
There is a reason he is looking after THESE needs and giving her such care. You know it and you need to ask her and him about it.
Get it out in the air. Then your sister needs to leave. I know you want to help her but that does not mean helping at the destruction of your child's home.
My sister is a catholic and has strong moral values. she wanted to leave her husband some time back but stayed with him as she fell pregnant. at one time she called me n said she was not happy n felt lonely...they seem to b happy now but am not sure.
well we are a bit rival at some points. we are not that close. I know that she was also jealous wen her husband used to talk to me b4. now he barely looks n talks to me.
Hey Kool_Chick, actually my questions were for Sadcat who started the thread, so some of my questions might not be applicable to your situation, although looks like you and Sadcat share a similar problem with different flavors.
From what I read so far about your situation.. I think focus on your pregnancy for now, try to remain happy and healthy and think about your other issues later. Minimize the contact your husband might have with your sis till then by avoiding functions etc....
Also, do you mind posting a new thread so that Sadcat's thread is not hijacked... That way you can also get dedicated feedback on your issue from TAM users.