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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-23-2010, 09:00 PM Thread Starter
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Emotional affair

I started a new job about 6 months ago and hit it off a guy I work with very quickly. A week before we met he has proposed to his girlfriend of 4 years. Things were innocent enough between us. It felt like a friendship.

About two months ago I noticed the lingering stares. I'm not sure what changed between us but something had. in fact it seemed like one of those scenarios where everyone around you notices except for the two people involved. One night when were closing up work he gave me his phone number unexpectedly as well as offer to drive me home.

After feeling a certain tension between us I felt like I couldn't hold back from telling him that I had developed feelings for him. He responded with " I like you too." further comvo for a couple of hours with things like " i've had dreams about you, I feel drawn to you" from him left me feeling happy but obviously confused.

During this past month i have received alot of criticism from my coworkers because clearly they look at me as the person doing something wrong. A "home wrecker ." He rarely mentions his fiances and in context of speaking about her she is refereed to as his girlfriend. my coworkers don't know that 99% of this interaction is on his end. Text out of no where asking how my day is going etc.

I feel like its only getting 'worse' as time goes by. when we are with eachother at work we can't take our eyes off of eachother or stop talking. I feel like we somehow manage to always be in the same spot. Touching me in an innocent but not necessary way.

His fiance is the type of girl who checks phones/email/facebook to make sure her guy is being good ( ok touche i know ) She says things to him like " lose weight for the wedding" . That girl.

I brought up the obvious after biting my tongue fora while and said " you know this is hard for me because in the end i get nothing out of this and I can't help how i feel. " too which he responded " if i wasnt engaged things would be different."

what is his intention in all of this? The wedding isnt set until winter of 2011. i think i'll go crazy if this continues on like it is.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-23-2010, 09:36 PM
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Re: Emotional affair

The dude is cheating. You are demonizing the fiance and caught up in the wonder of an imagined relationship that will NEVER be what you imagine. Congratulations, you are in an affair.

Please note that I am naturally sarcastic, but bear you no ill will. I don't think you are a bad person - but you are a person in bad circumstances.

It will also be your fault when it comes crashing in.

I will take a moment to also point out that you know he is lying to her. You would be wise to recognize that he is also lying to you.

I will tell you how this ends. Not well.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-23-2010, 10:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Emotional affair

I understand and believe me i'm not proud of this situation. in fact to be honest, i didnt realize the line we wercrossing until a few days ago. It felt innocent enough to me because i didnt give myself the "credit '"( ugh ) of thinking he might be giving me this attention. however when new coworkers came in and witin 24 hours assumed he was my boyfriend i stepped back to observe how we really act around eachother.

so there is no chance that he might be questioning his choice to be engaged ? is that out of the question. When speaking of people in these situations , everyone seems like such an ******* in the situation. Isn't it ok to say that we are ahuman and can't help way we feel sometimes? To be a little confused.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-23-2010, 10:54 PM
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Re: Emotional affair

That is correct. We can't always help how we feel. But it's the choices you make regarding those feelings and the confusion that determine whether or not you're an a$$hole.

You really want to know how this guy feels about you? End it. Right now you are an ego boost. That's about it. By your own admission, you know this relationship is inappropriate.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-25-2010, 12:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Emotional affair


thank you very much for your response, that was very refreshing haha.

I have been getting alot of criticism as you can imagine from all sides. Mostly aimed at " he is obviously an ******* for doing this." I really and truly don't see it that way at all. Feelings developed between us as naturally as they would between single people. Through long talks and friendly comvo. I think the attraction grew because of it, not the other way around. While I am very realistic about the fact that this very well may not go anywhere because as you mentioned of your now husband, he is looking to settle down. And his now fiance is there. maybe it will not find it in himself to entertain the possibility that he may have developed feelings for another person.

I was feeling very upset about this the other night but realized that I can only continue to be myself and be the best person i can be and see what happens. Contrary to what everyone thinks of us ( and thats that we are having secretive deceitful sex behind closed doors ) we have merely been having long comvos, not being able to take our eyes off eachother that kind of thing. I'm not saying its right but I am feeling care more than anything coming from him.

we'll see I guess.
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