Husband Up and Left

dscowgirl · 07-01-2008, 02:52 PM

I am new here. I posted earlier yet wanted to give an overall of the situation. We got married two years ago and I have three girls from my prior marraige. Agreement with ex was one week his house - one week ours. Well after the ex ran into financial problems the kids were going to be with us alot more. I feel with the pressures of my husband's job and extra responsibility of kids he bolted. One other issue, my dad helps us out financially and with other things from time to time. Well after seeing from the other side it was a slap in the face saying" I'll take care of her since you can't " My husband doesn't feel I put him first. He left and has been staying with friends here and there. He has not stayed a night at the house since he left. I have written him a letter explaining all the things that I now have learned and how much I love him and all the feelings from when we first met are still there. I am trying to give him his space. We did talk last week and we just talked. I can tell he still loves me and seems to be on the fence. Last night it was hate and anger. He doesn't know how to get rid of it. I say my role is to help him. He says I can't " I; the problem. I feel there are deeper self issues here.

draconis · 07-01-2008, 05:13 PM

Ask him for a diner date, at least you'll get him face to face with you. He might have issues beyond what you mentioned after all he is helping to raise someone elses kids, and may feel like a third wheel. Further he should understand that those kids need to come first but he can still get the attention he needs and wants. Let him know that he can indeed talk to you about anything, once he has open communication with you things can get better.

draconis

dscowgirl · 07-07-2008, 09:23 AM

Well I texted him a pic of me and my daughter at the zoo and said happy fourth. He called me back and talked a little bit, no tears. He said he was working , trying to make money and even sounded really bummed by it all. He talked to my daughter a little too. I even invited him to come hang out with all of us, some of our friends had come down to be with me for the holiday, to see some fireworks. He said he was going to see them with his cousin. Then the confirmation came later that evening from a friend. He is in town with THE GIRL! 22!!! he's 32. Jerk. So now I am angry! I have not confronted him I don't want to. I don't even want to hear his voice. So the silent "B" comes out. I am not calling him, he will call when he needs to. He still has bills to take care of and things that he knows he has to contact me about. It hurts so bad!! I gave him everything, all honesty! I am glad I know so I can harden my heart some to try and take care of ME and MY kids! YET I still have the deepest love for him. Hardest thing letting someone you love screw up to figure out what they have truly done.!! HELP!

hitrockbottom · 07-07-2008, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dscowgirl

YET I still have the deepest love for him. Hardest thing letting someone you love screw up to figure out what they have truly done.!! HELP!

I feel your pain on that...I'm sorry that your in this situation. I don't have much to offer except that you can't dwell on what you can not control. I would say tell him exactly how you feel and see how things go from there.

Josh · 07-07-2008, 11:23 AM

If you'll decide that you want him back, maybe it will sound a bit weird - but try to go with him, try being on his side that he will feel that you understand him and just want him to be happy. You must some how ignite that point in his heart that he surely still have towards you.

dscowgirl · 07-09-2008, 08:34 AM

UPDATE. He has placed some of our items online to sell. One I am ok with and the other I wasn't and I told him no. He was outraged and was basically harassing me. After he got over his anger he called. He realized I am not backing down and giving him his easy way out. He has put me through alot and sorry he needs to work just like me and not sell off everything just so he has money. He still hasn't admitted about the girl. Basically, yesterday he called after awhile since he was alone and driving here in town to talk. Alot of self pitty stuff. I did tell him I took myself out of my shoes and put them in his to actually see how he felt on alot of issue. I told him that I actually feel that our time apart has been a good thing. If there was any chance of both of us agreeing to make an attempt for mending I know I could make it better from my side. He straight up said he knows it wouldn't work, and no he hadn't put himself in my shoes. He isn't willing right now. He's running here and there running low on money and self esteme. I did try and lift him up when we talked but told him he has to look inside himself. He says there is hate and anger inside. He has pushed all friends and family away. I haven't talked to him today, I want to text him but it all seems like a game of who's got the best of who right now. I do feel he is playing with my emotions and dangling me since I do have control over his phone and other things that are his lifeline to work and her. Any thoughts??