AZMOMOFTWO

I posted part of what is going on in an earlier thread really just about the relationship of my husband and me but there is more to it and even more I learned last night. My husband recently feels something is missing and seems unhappy at times. I know part of it is the pressue of a business, kids (one with a health-behavioral problem that has taken 2 years to get under control) and I've not reacted well to the pressure and put myself last being heavier than I have ever been. I've always been in shape but not right now. I've not been myself probably since my son's problems started or maybe even since he was born just feeling overwhelmed.

The other part of it is that I'm bothered by a friendship my husband has with a young (adult) girl, 25 years younger. I know she is attracted to him. But I didn't think much about it as she just became an adult, in fact she babysat for us on many occasions and I always thought since my husband was approaching the big 40 he was flattered (and he is) but would never act on it. She's not obvious about it but it was things like asking his advice on boys and I always thought her coming and spending time with the kids was a way to be near. We had a rock solid relationship. He does text her, but she initiates it and its often about advice on boys....now girls but I'll get to that. He's flattered said he feels like big brother, he even said it reminds him of high school and he liked being taken back to that time. He never hid that, when I told him it bothered me he cut off all texting and just talked to her when she was around. Then for awhile we didn't see her and suddenly she is back and very different. Turns out the last two years she carried on a lesbian relationship with a girl in her mid-20s (she was underaged at the time). When her parents caught on they threatened to take legal action so she began seeing the girl in secret and still is (we've seen her with the girl, its verifiable). She told my husband, me, and another couple that are also good friends that she is bisexual and she and this girl have been a couple for two years. She has to hid the relationship still as her parents do not approve but she definately seems very much in love/infatuation with this girl.

This took a weird twist, the wife of the other couple is now very close friends with this girl. They stay out in front of the house talking all night long on work nights, to the point of total neglect of her children. My husband would stay out with them too after I went to bed (the husband of the other couple usually turned in first as he works early). When I confronted him that this bothered me that is when we got in to the discussion about him staying out (and me totally caring for the kids too) that is when he told me he was unhappy. Now I caught him at a bad time, it was 4am and we'd been drinking (it was a weekend). We talked very openly then about things and he did say yes he found her attractive but it wasn't like that. He insisted that there was nothing there but just hanging out was kind of a break from running around all the time (our lives are very chaotic).

Last night the husband of the other couple told me that he'd been fighting with his wife because of her staying out and because she confessed to being in love with this young girl and "some things had happened" he was not bothered by their physical involvement but by his wife loving someone else. I told him that I think she wants your wife and my husband and he agreed, said he has seen that for years. But he said to me your husband would never act on it, he loves you. I said lately I am not so sure. He told me (they are close) your husband says things about you that leaves no doubt how deeply he loves you. He says things about you I wish I could say about my wife.

Is this woman a black widow or what? I am beginning to think she is set on destroying relationships because she is unhappy herself and maybe can't have the one she wants to be with (not sure what the issue is but they are in an on again/off again and her parents will disown her). I think she saw a chink in the armour of our relationship and went for it. Its hard to even get away from her, if we try to do something she somehow ends up getting involved. I can never be 100% sure he has not acted but in my heart I don't believe he has. I've work really hard to turn my own attitude around (I was feeling a bit depressed and yelling way too much at the kids), exercising already at 30% of my goal which in turn makes me feel good, and I feel very positive and managing the kids in a much more constructive way (which they have both responded too). He started pulling away from them but is returning to his old self (he's a VERY dedicated father). I wonder if #1 he was a bit depressed (physical reason, my attitude, life too chaotic??) #2 he did hit 40 and it bothers him despite looking terrific. Maybe he wanted his youth back? Recently it seems that way more talk of things we did back in high school and a real focus on his physical appearance and always talking about having stayed in shape and pointing out other people his age who did not.

So where we are now is the black widow is still around (why can't she just get back together with that girl and leave us alone), our friends the other couple their relationship may be totally destroyed, but my husband did tell me he sees a huge change and appreciates the pressure I have lifted from him (I've taken on some extra with the kids and cut back on work), and that I do make him happy. We are still have a strong physical relationship and I think if it weren't for the black widow we could fix this easier. The only thing that is missing is he use to call me with silly stuff in during the daytime and he used to show more affection. I still get hugs and kisses hello and goodbye and I initiate affection which is returned but it leaves me a little bit worried....how do I get rid of this girl? Worse yet my daughter picked up on how I felt (she's very intuitive, nothing I said) and said something to me being concerned how I felt. She's also very protective of me. This girl is not even that much older than her!