ontop200405

I had met a woman here, She was such a great listener and we began to email eachother and talk about our marital situations. It was amazing how similar our problems were. Her husband was unaware of this site as was my wife. Her husband has come across an email I had sent, and I feel I have caused such a problem with them, It wasnt my intention to do so. I have since told my wife of this and has put our marriage in further turmoil. We have agreed to go to counseling and I hope this woman and her husband can reconcile thier marriage also. I had never meant harm and feel so lousy. Has anyone experienced a similar problem, just looking for advice and some guidance.

Amplexor

The anonymity of the Internet can provide a great forum for people to lay out their hearts and their thoughts. It can also however create a false bond and sense of security that allows us to say things online we may not want our spouses to know as they may be interpreted. It can also lead to a true motional bond that can be dangerous to an already troubled marriage. I would advise all who read your post to be aware of this and use caution in communications here and elsewhere. I know this because my wife’s EA started in this exact manner and severely further damaged an already listing marriage. As many of you know we have still not recovered. If the two of you have developed such a relationship you must stop communications with each other and communicate with your spouse. Good luck to you both in recovering your happiness with your spouses.

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Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

Chris H.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this has happened to others. We need to be really careful about boundaries when we're communicating with others for support, for a lot of different reasons.

For one, it could be totally innocent, and the other's spouse could interpret it wrong.

Another possible consequence is developing an emotional attachment with the other person that becomes "more than just friends." When that happens, it can be a threat to your marriage because the human brain will naturally get more pleasure out of pursuing this new, exciting relationship, than fixing the one with problems that brought you here in the first place. It takes someone with good boundaries and a healthy ego to realize when that is happening and back off.

I will try to do a post this afternoon about healthy boundaries that might be useful for the forums.

It sounds like you realize this has become a problem, and are reaching out for help. Does your wife know you're still using the site? Is she ok with it?

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draconis

No doubts it can happen, sometimes when we are already feeling weak and know another is feeling weak we can go a bit to far.

I wish you all the best.

draconis

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www.myspace.com/draconis1973

blind

I am a bit hesitant to even post this, but I feel it could be important. I certainly don't want to run anyone off from this forum as I have found it to be a great help to me and my situation. But, here is my thought and concern. As long as both of you are still frequenting the same forum you may well run across posts from the other. No you may not be communicating directly, but the ability to read correspondence from the other will keep them fresh in your mind. I believe all contact must be stopped which would include reading posts from the other person even though the post may not be directed to you or one of your threads. This is just my humble opinion.

Mods - I hope this is not out of line. If you feel it is, feel free to edit/delete this post. No offense will be taken.

Blind

Chris H.

Not out of line at all. You have a very good point.

If ontop200405 feels as though he's "crossed the line" with this person, or either of their spouses disapprove, it would probably be best to stay away from the site.

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swedish

Or better yet, you can add a person to your ignore list so their posts will be hidden from you but you could still take advantage of the site. I've never used this feature, so maybe there are loopholes I'm unaware of.

Chris H.

That's true, I forgot about the "ignore" feature.

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GAsoccerman

well sometimes it helps to have a good friend of the opposite sex to talk to that is in a similar situation, but as you know you need boundries.

Maybe both couples can have a conference call or something, but I can see the spouses being upset, sharing private information with others.

it needs to be worked out.

ontop200405

Thanks for your replies I appreciate the advice, Boundaries were definately crossed. A feeling of love had set in between us early on in our conversations and just kept getting deeper and deeper. I would have never thought I would ever have such feelings for someone that was so far away, and that I would never meet. I had always maintained that it was my desire to see her reconcile with her husband. They have 4 wonderful kids and I just was thinking of what effect a divorce would have, blind to fact of what I was doing might effect in such a bad way also. I had found out that her husband knew, in an email he had sent me. I was so shocked that he sent an email, I felt so guilty of what turmoil I have caused. I responded back trying to apologize or explain.. He has not responded back and I havent heard anything from her also. I have been going nuts wondering what has happened at there home, just so concerned and dont know what to do.

swedish

I understand you are concerned, but I think the only appropriate thing you can do now is let it go and don't try to contact either of them. Whatever is going on there needs to be between them now.

Amplexor

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Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.