First off a deep deep deeeeeep apology for not replying.
Second thank you so much all of you!!!
I lurked around a few days after posting (in the wrong place! ) and didn't get any response. Went into a depressive phase and decided to make arrangements to leave for good. I'm so glad I did not lose faith!
@ Unique Username : He probably thought that as you grew older, you would decide you wanted kids.
He knows that I have aborted. No, he isn't giving me grief for that. He always claims that he misunderstood that I meant I was on my safe period. 4 years.. not a mishap with our method of contraception. I do not know whether he really misunderstood. He told me after the kit came positive that it would be my decision. But he did say that his parents and relatives would be overjoyed. I went to the medical facility and had the abortion. He didnt say anything.
His main contention is that I told him I made "a bond?" for marriage which he never imagined I could do. He came unconditionally into the marriage with love. I don't really get how that deserves calling me all those names and sexually being passive aggressive and trying to me feel worthless.
I love children ! But right now I don't have and neither have had a desire.I am childfree today and I was yesterday. I don't know the future but it's very important to me that I don't want to do something under pressure rather than really desiring one. If a child is born I promise you I will look after him/her to the best I can but I cannot look at them in the eyes and tell them ever that; " yes dear I wanted you or perhaps I want you."
@ Unique Username : OP hasn't been on since original post.
@Jellybeans :I cannot imagine anything worse in the world than having a child when you do not want one.
So perfectly put.
@ 06Daddio08 :Please, have a little more self worth.
You know that's the kick I need. I went into depression because I was so sad I couldnt find responses here. It was my fault that I posted in the wrong place but it shouldn't be an excuse to feel so low. But I'm glad I came back to check and found all of you!!!!
@ FrenchFry : Thank you!!
@KathyBatesel : it sounds like he is accepting now that you do not want to have children, but the issue is still a conflict for you.I would encourage both of you to talk openly and lovingly about what's important. Is it more important to have a child or a relationship?
You are right where the relationship is now. I went through the process of making him understand that I love him deeply and I would do the best I can think of for him. But that could not happen if we both were something so diametrically opposite to a very important belief. But he doesn't want to leave me. He is trying to make me comfortable during intimacy but somehow I'm scarred inside . I'm not able to reciprocate love after all the hate. And I can't find it in my heart to trust either. He is now trying to make arrangements for us to get jobs and go to a more cosmopolitan city where the family pressure would be lesser. But in periods of anger he still abuses me pretty bad. During the other times he goes out of his way to take care of me.
@IrishGirlVA: Game over.
I really admire you! I wish the society I lived in was more westernised too. They bring us women up here with codependent personalities. But I have already started putting my papers in order so that I can leave in a gentle manner if necessary.
@ IrishGirlVA : She may be busy procreating.
EEKKkk noooo!.. apologies from the bottom of my heart.
@ John Lee : jerk about it to boot
You made me smile. No! that's just the thing. He isn't a "desperately wanting" a kid kind of person either. I understand the societal pressure gets to him. But abuse ?
. You say you love me and if you disagree with me you load hate? I really haven't spoken a single word of hate against him. I am missing something somewhere.
Soooo.!! Thank you. All of you. Really. That's all I can honestly say.
If you have some other ideas or kicks for me I would be most glad too.