Bluemoon7

It occurred to me that with all the divorce in my family, I've never seen a first marriage that lasted and seemed happy. (Parents divorced, mom never remarried, grandma married four times, aunts all on 2nd or 3rd husbands.) No good examples to follow. It's probably a big reason why H and I had been together for almost ten years before we got married. It makes me wonder if not growing up with a healthy image of marriage impacts my perspective of my own marriage and marriage in general.

Thoughts? Opinions? What do you think a healthy marriage looks like?

greeneyeddolphin

I think a healthy marriage is whatever makes both people in it happy. Healthy marriages can look vastly different, from a couple glued at the hip (my parents) to a couple where one person stays home and the other travels extensively for work (us). I think there are some common components, such as trust, respect, love, mutual interests, consideration, shared goals/dreams.

Faith.N.Love

A healthy marriage to me is when both individuals are willing to fight for each other. My parents divorced because they lost their 'fight'. A truely committed couple will be able to stay level headed in bad times and turn to each other first before anyone else.

AFEH

I’m of an era where divorce of parents etc. was quite rare. My parents didn’t divorce and just one out of ten aunts/uncles divorced. Most of them were married during WWII or just after and some of the wives had to cope with very changed men when they came back from fighting for our freedom. A lot has been written about how the wives handled their changed situation and why they didn’t divorce even though they went through truly trying times.

My generation’s statistics are totally different, about 60% as opposed to 10% divorced in the previous generation and I’m just going through divorce.

My marriage was seriously tested at times and a while back I Googled “Healthy Marriage” and “Happy Marriage”. There’s a lot of information out there about this. A good meal has a list of ingredients, a recipe. But if those who went before us didn’t demonstrate a healthy recipe for a healthy marriage how are we to know just what that recipe is?

I think it best to sit down and create our own recipe, our own list of ingredients for our own marriage. And then like any good favourite meal, after we’ve tasted and digested the food we can modify the recipe to improve the taste as we go along. There’s lots of examples of recipes on the internet to pick and chose from to create our own recipe for a healthy marriage.

Bob

SimplyAmorous

My parents divorced, My Mother never found love again & doesn't believe in it for herself, and my husband's parents stayed together even though they really didn't "like" each other too much - He enjoyed his friends more , was never home , while she was too much into her children, so our examples were warped.

Our marraige is nothing like either, we made our own way.

Just my personal opionion of coarse, but to helps to marry someone with similar "Love Languages" , possibly opposite temperments -so each compliments the other /ones strengths are the others weaknesses & vice versa, you share the same GOALS in life, enjoy each others personality, have similar interests, feel the same about intimacy, affection & sex as much as possible & gotta have "attraction" & maintain it as best you can as you age.

This would be my quick receipe for a general successful marraige.

BeanCounterWife

I don't think you can determine what a healthy marriage is. This topic is so subjective--what is a wonderful marriage to you might be hell for me!

My Husband and I both work long hours. For many people, this would be the kiss of death. We make it work because we both have a strong work ethic, so when we're home we share housework equally. He doesn't mind doing laundry and I don't mind cooking and cleaning. We both have our duties at home and neither one of us abandons our duties, regardless of what might be happening around us. Because we both take care of our "chores", there's no nagging.

Knowing each other's personalities also helps--when I'm moody, my Husband acknowledges my moodiness and doesn't get annoyed. When he's moody or overtired, I give him his space and let him wind down.

We're well matched sexually. It seems awful to others, but we're not the spontaneous type. We plan our sex around our calendars and that works for us.